looking to the past to find the present

Our voices echo loud and clear
Overcoming each silent tear

We must hold on for we're sinking fast
Who knows? Today might be the last

Tomorrow could come and go
But we must be strong and know

That yesterday's not coming back
We mustn't give into the devil's attack

If you learn that every action has a cost
Then you can get over what you've lost

 

I wrote that poem -- "Echo" -- when I was thirteen years old. As my mom was looking through some of her files the other day, she came across this poem that I'd had published oh-so-many years ago. Though it's certainly not impressive in the poetry sense, it fascinates me that I wrote that -- something that really encourages living in the present moment -- so many years ago. I cannot help but wonder what my younger self was thinking...Of course I cannot know that now. I don't even remember writingthe poem, let alone what I was thinking when I wrote it! However, I can take a fresh look at it, all of these years later, and I can add to it what I've learned over these long and sometimes troubling years. For my own enjoyment, and perhaps yours too, I'm going to analyze each stanza of the poem, taking a look at what the words might mean and how I can apply them to my current desire to live a life filled with positivity.

Our voices echo loud and clear
Overcoming each silent tear

When I read this, it makes me think of the idea that we have the power to overcome sadness. We can shout above our heartache, our voices filled with joy. We have to be loud. We have to be clear. But we can, we should, strive to overcome our pain and sadness. It's up to us to make this choice. Do you want to be sad or do you want to be joyful? Think about it...How do you want to feel?

 

We must hold on for we're sinking fast
Who knows? Today might be the last

 

The sinking fast part strikes me as a bit negative, but, then again, I was living under a pretty hefty cloud of sadness back then (especially during those awkward early teen years! yikes!). I guess the hold on part counteracts that though. If you're in a bad situation, "sinking fast," you must hold on to your happiness. Today, as the poem reads, could be the last. Embrace the present moment and hold on to your happiness!

 

Tomorrow could come and go
But we must be strong and know

 

First of all, my dear younger self, tomorrow will definitely come and go. There's not really an option there. As long as we keep living (which maybe is what the "could" means), there will be a tomorrow. And another tomorrow after that. And one more after that. However, knowing that there's a tomorrow doesn't mean that we shouldn't stay strong in the moment, holding on to today and realizing that the now is truly the most important aspect of life.

 

That yesterday's not coming back
We mustn't give into the devil's attack

 

Definitely like the "yesterday's not coming back" part. The past is over and done with, as I've said countless times before. We can't go back. We can learn from the past and we can take it with us (if we want to) but we can never, ever go back. The minutes that passed when you read this? Yep, they're gone forever. Rather than be depressed by this fact, it's important to realize how valuable the moments we have right now are. Don't give into the "devil's attack" of despair. 

If you learn that every action has a cost
Then you can get over what you've lost

It's important to remember that whatever we do -- good or bad, happy or sad -- has an impact on the world. You have to think about what you're doing, be conscious of the decisions you're making in your life, and accept your choices. I'm not sure if recognizing this will help you "get over what you've lost," but I do think it can encourage you to make better choices in the future. You make your own choices. It's up to you.

I don't know about you, but I got a kick out of reading something that was written by me so many years ago. Ultimately, I think the tone of the poem was meant to be sad, to express whatever pain I was feeling at the time, but reading it now, through a more positive lens, I do sense some hope in my younger self. Deep down, I think I wanted to be happy. I wanted to experience joy and let the past stay in the past. Maybe I just wasn't ready then. I don't know. What I do know is that now I am ready to embrace the present moment, to squeeze all of the happiness out of life that I can. Certainly the old me still lurks around, looking for reasons to be unhappiness, to indulge in those wasted tears. But I am older and I am wiser and I know better than to let that girl, that old me, get the best of me.

Comments

[Jay Schryer]

This is so lovely! A few years ago, when I moved to Chicago, I lost all of my poems and songs that I had written up until that point in my life. I sometimes wish that I still had them, so I could do the very thing that you've done here: Analyze my younger self through older, wiser, and kinder eyes. I think that's why keeping a journal (or having a blog) is such a great idea.

Thanks for sharing another little piece of yourself, Dani! :)

[Ia]

I actually thought the poem was great! :) When I was in junior high I was the epitomy of depression, and I kept a journal about it to (filled with all the arrogance and self-imposed sadness a teenager who doesn't fit in has). It's hard to believe that it was me writing those pages. After looking through it, I really wonder what went through my mind then. I ended up throwing them out because I don't want the negative energy around, but it is always so fascinating to read through old things. Even now, as I reflect on my current journal, the things written a few months ago are no longer aspects of myself. It's interesting the transformation one goes through when they realise that they are allowed to be happy, can physically be happy, and want to be happy. Thank you for posting this!

[Cat]

reading things I have written from my past sure has been an eye opener for myself as well - I love how depending where we are at in life, in our heads and heart things can look so different...

the glass being half full or half empty....

Lovely post!

[Michael Godawski]

You are so right.

Recently I found my "paintings" I made as a 3 or 4 year old. My parents kept them and never wanted to throw them away.

Now after almost 20 years I have seen them again. And you know what? I can remember how I painted them, remember the feelings and the surroundings.

Time travel at its best.

[John]

Very impressive and inspiring poem. Even more amazing that you wrote it when you were thirteen. Have a great weekend!

[Vi]

A lovely poem to share with all of us. I bet that you weren't as different back then as you are now. I bet your core was the same, and now it's just able to come out more and be yourself more now.

[positively present]

Jay - Thanks for the positive words. You know it's hasn't been easy for me to open up so it means a lot to see your encouragement when I do share a little bit more of myself. That makes you sad that you lost all of your songs/poems, but you can start fresh right now! :)

Ia - I'm so happy you liked the post! It wasn't necessarily easy for me to put it out there (even thought it was a LONG time ago), but I do think it was really interesting to go back to and think about. I agree with you about getting rid of the negativity in your life, but sometimes it can be helpful to go back and revisit and see how far you've come.

Cat - Thank you! It's definitely helpful to go back and analyze different aspects of our lives. I usually try to stay away from the past but I think it can be really beneficial to go back every once and awhile and look at the progress I've made.

Michael - That's great that you came across your old paintings. That's even more wonderful that you can remember painting them. Sometimes the past is actually very rewarding to revisit.

John - Thank you! :) Re-reading it, I can't believe I was thinking those types of thoughts when I was that age, but I guess I always had an old soul of sorts. I hope you have a great weekend as well!

Vi - Good point. I actually considered that after I posted this. Maybe at the core I want to be a happy person, to embrace the ideas of hope and joy in life, but I was hiding for years and years behind this sad cloud of gloominess.

[Michelle @ Find Your Balance]

Oh it's so fun to find stuff you made or wrote years ago! We have a poem my husband wrote about Batman when he was 8. Awesome.

[Nicole]

Really?!

because when I read my older stuff I either cringe or feel grateful for writing classes in college.

[another lisa]

i tried posting a THANK YOU last night, but somehow it didn't go through. and for what it's worth, i think you definitely were are are ReAdY.
i send you all that is good.

[positively present]

Michelle - That's awesome that your husband has a poem about Batman. How cute is that! :)

Nicole - My first reaction is definitely to cringe, but I get a lot more enjoyment out of looking back on my younger self with amusement and curiosity than I do if I start to judge myself.

Another Lisa - Thank you! I'm not anywhere near 100% there yet, but I'm on a much better road now than I once was on. Sending goodness back to you!

[Hilary]

Hi Dani .. gosh .. I remember trying to write poetry at a young age and just did not have it in me .. we loved poems as kids, Edward Lear and his nonsense verses etc .. my father was great with bring literature via verse or music into our lives.

I don't believe I've kept much from the past .. perhaps I'll find out that my mother's kept some of my letters .. but as she says herself 'she travels light' .. we'll see ..

But I do love those words .. and you've analysed them so well ... and they have a completeness - you've completed the circle ..

Great and thanks for sharing with us ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters

[positively present]

Hilary - From the poeme above, we can see that I clearly didn't have it in me either. Hahaha. I enjoyed writing poems though, even if they weren't great. And actually kept writing them up until college...perhaps I should pick up the pen and start again to see what I can come up with. :) I do hope your mother has saved some of your stuff. I'm a big fan of traveling light (it really is the best way to go!) but I'm really happy that I didn't get rid of these journals. They are so interesting (and time-consuming, I'm discovering!) to revisit. So glad you enjoyed the post...and thanks for your words about completing the circle. It feels nice to think of it that way.