positively present

new year, same me: 6 stay-the-same resolutions

 

(♥)

"Many people look forward to the new year
 for a new start on old habits." 

  Author Unknown

Happy New Year! Around this time of year, many people are preparing resolutions and, as a result, thinking about all of things they want to change in their lives. But what about all of the things they don't want to change? What about all of the things that have happened in 2009 -- and over the past decade -- that have been great? Instead of focusing on what I want to change in my life (which is something I spent a whole lot of 2009 doing), I'm going to think about what I want to keep the same as I move forward to 2010. It's been a pretty great year for me and, while I always believe there's room for improvement, today I'm going to zero in on the things that I want to keep the same in the next decade. 

My 6 Stay-The-Same Resolutions for 2010

Be positive. I can't I was positive for the decade, but I was definitely much more positive in 2009 and I want to keep that attitude up! It hasn't necessarily been an easy one for me to embrace or maintain, but I'm looking forward to putting in the effort to make sure that 2010 is just as positive -- if not more so! -- than 2009. 

Stay present. While I did find being positive a little tricky this year, staying present was really hard work. With a mind that's always racing and a million things I thought I should be doing, it was pretty difficult for me to stay in the moment. But, more often than not, I did it and I'm really proud of myself for that. I hope to keep living in the moment in 2010. 

Enjoy life. We all know the old idea that life is short, but how often do we really act like it's short? This year, having spent a lot of time focusing on happiness and positivity, I've learned how to enjoy life more. I've learned how to spend more time in the moment, doing the things I want to be doing (like writing this blog!) and it's made my life so much better. Enjoying life is one of the best things I can continue doing, both for myself and for the sake of those around me. 

Keep learning. Learning is one of my favorite things to do and, though I'm no longer a student, I still find ways to learn. I read and write and listen. I learn more about myself and about other people every single day. Sometimes all of this learning is tiring and can feel overwhelming, but I don't know where (or who!) I'd be without it. I hope that for 2010 -- and for the rest of my life -- I keep learning more about myself and the world because I really do believe that new knowledge makes me a better person. 

Be passionate. I've always been a passionate sort of person. No matter what I'm doing, if I'm into it, I'm into it. If I really care about something or love a task, I will put my whole heart into it and give it my all. In the past, I was passionate about some things that weren't so good for me, but in 2009 I started using that passion in a positive way and I'm looking forward to find new, positive things to be passionate about in the upcoming year. 

Celebrate others. I'm the card-giving, thank-you-writing type. I try to remember the little things and I honestly feel amazingly happy when something good happens to someone I love or care about. I do my best to celebrate others and, over the past year, I've really tried to look for the good not only in those I love but in everyone. (Not easy, but really useful if you're trying to live a happier life.) When I celebrate others, I feel happy and I want to keep up that happy feeling in 2010. 

While looking through an old journal the other day, I found a set of resolutions and I was shocked at howI generic and stereotypical they were. Things like "Lose 10 pounds" and "Shop less" and "Stop drinking" are things that seem silly to me now -- not because they aren't good goals, but because they aren't the kind of goals I now set for myself. Even more shocking to me was the heading above these resolutions: "Resolutions I Wish I Could Keep." Wow. How little I believed in myself, with a title like that! Since the year I wrote those, I've done all of those things and so, so much more. When I re-read those resolutions and the title that pathetically rested above them, I felt sad. I felt sad for my old self, who didn't know that in a few short years, she would be truly, honestly happy and doing things that made her feel like a positive, useful person. I wish I could go back to that January 1st and tell the girl writing in that journal what her life would be like at the turn of the decade, to let her know that she will be happy and she will be productive and she will be doing so many of the things she'd always dreamed about. Of course, we can't go back. We can only live in this moment. 

In this moment, I am so thrilled that I can look back on 2009 and, instead of thinking about all of the horrible things I did or all of the habits I desperately need to change, I am writing about all of the things I want to stay the same. I never in a million years thought I would launch a new year with all of the things I liked about the year before. Of course, I can think of things I want to change or goals I want to set for myself, but, generally speaking, I am pretty happy with 2009 and all of the wonderful (sometimes mystifying) changes I went through. While I'm tempted to look to the future and think of all of the things that could (or should) happen in 2010, I'm going to stick to one of my stay-the-same resolutions today and stay present. I have a lot of hope for 2010, but today, this moment, is all I can be certain of so I'm going to focus on today. I'm going to live in the present, positively.     

a year of amazing: how to make this one the best yet

You know, I have a good feeling about 2010. There's something about that nice, round number that makes me feel calm, makes me think this year is going to be a really good one. When I was searching for an image to use for this post and came across the one above, I was super excited. I have high hopes for the year and the picture I found seemed to echo them perfectly. While I really am trying to live in the moment and focus on what's happening right now, I can't help but look to the future of 2010 and have hope that it's going to be an amazing year. Of course, the reason I think it's going to be an amazing year is because I plan to make it an amazing year. In 2009 I learned one thing for certain: your life is what you make it. 

Prior to last year, it was so easy for me to fall into routines and patterns, thinking that everything just happened because that's the way it went. Though of course the thought had crossed my mind, I didn't realize just how powerful my own abilities were. I didn't realize that I really could take control of my life and spend my time in ways that were productive and healthy. It was a really hard year, but it was a really great year. I learned more about myself in those 12 months than in all the 26 years that had come before them. The other day I read this quote by Charles Richards: 

"Don't be fooled by the calendar. 
There are only as many days in the year as you make use of."
 

When I read that, I thought to myself, "Wow. That's really true." I thought back on the years before, all of the days I'd wasted, and then I thought of last year and how I'd done my best to make every day worthwhile. Sure, they weren't all great days and they weren't all filled with productive, positive activities, but, for the most part, I can say that I made the most of my days in 2009. Having spent a year that way, I cannot imagine going back to the way it was before, to those days I spent lying on the couch, watching TV or thinking negative thoughts. After the year I've had, I just cannot imagine going back. 

What I can imagine, however, is going forward to an awesome year in 2010. Part of me, admittedly, is a little nervous about my hopes for the year. What if 2010 isn't as great as 2009? What if I don't change and grow and learn so much, the way I did last year? What if I'm setting my expectations too high and I reach the end of the year feeling let down? This post is all about putting those "what-ifs" aside and developing a plan to make 2010 even better than 2009. With a plan in place, I just know 2010 can be -- will be -- amazing. 

How To Make 2010 Your Best Year Yet

Get excited. Stop and think right now about what gets you excited. If you had a day to do anything you wanted to do, what would it be? What is that thing that, when it crosses your mind, leaves you feeling so overjoyed or pumped up that you can barely sit still? Keep that thought in your mind, keep doing whatever it is that makes you that happy, and keep surrounding yourself with people who support those things that make you oh-so-excited. You need to support yourself. You need to do the things that make you the happiest. And you need to have people in your life that support your happiness. 

Get involved. Now is the time to get involved in what it is that excites you. No, not next month or later in the year. NOW. Think back to the things or activities or people that get you excited and ask yourself, "How can I become more involved? How can I get into that, and experience those feelings, even more often than I already do?" You need to be doing whatever it is that you love most in the world. You need to be figuring out a way to be involved with what you love most and to be involved with it as often as you can.

Get going. Now that you've identified what you want to do and how you can become more involved in it, it's time to get going. 2010 may have just begun, but it will be over before you know it. Don't put off the things you want to do. The year will be shorter than you imagine it to be. You will find yourself at the end of it, thinking,"What did I do this year?" Don't let yourself get to the end of the year without doing what it is that you really, truly want to do. It's a new year, a new decade, and it's time to get going! 



For me, last year was a good one and it's inspired me to make this one even better. But if you didn't feel like 2009 was everything you wanted it to be, now is your chance to change things. I believe you can start change at any time, but why not embrace it now when everyone else is so into it? If you want your life to be different, make it different. If you're looking for some inspiration, check out some of these posts: 

 
Stop, Drop, & Roll: How to Prepare for Change

You CAN Have It All: 8 Tips for Balancing Work and Life

Breaking the Spell of Someday

Let's Go! 5 Steps for Getting on the Road to Your Goal

Change Your Mind About Change

Photo credit: (♥)  

stop, drop, & roll: how to prepare for change

  

(♥)
 

“It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t.
It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”
James Gordon

Change is a funny thing. Sometimes we want it so badly and we'd do anything for it. Sometimes we're so scared of it that we'd give anything to stop it from happening. Change has played a big part in my life over the past year. I cannot think of a year when I've changed more than 2009. While I'm still working at the same place and living in the same area, almost everything in my life has changed dramatically over the past 12 months. My relationships with others, my relationship with myself, my understanding of the world, my actions and reactions, my thoughts and way of thinking -- all of these things have undergone major transformations this year. I often look around at where I am now and ask myself, "Why? Why now? What was so different about this year that made it so special?" Much as I scratch my head and ponder these questions, the only real answer that seems to stick with me is: I was ready. 

It took a long time -- a lot of years of doing things to make myself stronger and, in some ways, harder -- to get to the point where I was ready for change. I don't think I even knew I was ready. I just looked around one day and it hit me like a bat to the head: I had to change things. I had to change things. I had that cliched experience of looking around and realizing that this was my life and I didn't like it one bit. I'd thought this many times before. I'd always wanted a different life. I'd always thought that "someday" things would be different. It wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that I had to make things different. I had to change them. It seems simple enough, realizing I had control over my life, but it wasn't simple to get to that point in my life. As the Indigo Girls sing in "Least Complicated" (click to listen): "The hardest to learn was the least complicated." It was such a simple notion -- take control of your own life -- but it was such a complex one for me to grasp. 

I don't think I'm alone in this. I think it takes a lot of people -- a lot -- to realize that they can control their own lives. I think many people never realize it at all and end up floating along on whatever path they happen to find themselves drifting down. I was that person. I was that drifter, just floating and thinking I'd get there someday. I had hope that things would work out, but I didn't want to work for it. I just thought it would happen. Well, I can tell you from personal experience...things don't "just happen." Yes, sometimes there are those moments of excitement when things seem like they're falling in place. Yes, there are times when things seem like fate or coincidence. But the best things -- the really great things -- happen when you're working towards them, when you're making the changes and when you're putting in the effort to make yourself better. 

But how did I do it? And how can you? I don't know if I have any true and definite answers to those questions. I wish I could post a step-by-step plan for how I changed, but I know that these things are really personalized and, if you want to change, the way to do it really depends on how you are as a person and what exactly it is that you want to change. Even though there isn't a formula for change, I can offer some suggestions and some advice on how I got from where I was to where I am now... 

Stop, Drop, and Roll: How To Ready Yourself For Change 
 

1. Stop being afraid. It's so easy to be scared. Believe me, I know how much courage it takes to willingly choose to change. It really can be terrifying, the thought of changing your life, of changing yourself. I honestly think it was that fear that held me back for so long. I knew I needed change. I could sense something that needed to be different in my life, but I was so afraid. If you really want to change, you have to stop being afraid. You have to take whatever fear you're experiencing and just let it go. As you can probably guess, this is not easy -- but it is the only way to really prepare yourself to change. 
   
   
2. Drop your old ways. Sounds so obvious, right? If you don't like how your life is, just stop doing what you're doing, right? If you've ever tried to stop your habits or break your routines, you know just how difficult this can be. In theory it sounds so great, but it can be really, really hard to change things and to make choices that are different from those you'd made in the past. It was nearly impossible for me to alter some of my habits when I decided that I needed to change and it certainly didn't happen over night. It took a long time -- probably years if you count all of those failed attempts from the past -- to get where I am right now, but I know with absolute certainty that I would not be here if I hadn't changed my old ways. 
   
   
3. Roll with the punches. As I mentioned in #1, change can be really scary. Most people don't like it all that much, especially when it's hard. For this reason, you have to to learn to let go of your preconceived notions of what "should" be and live in the moment. Rolling with the punches isn't always easy (and was especially difficult for a Type A girl like myself), but it's the only way to really accept change in your life. If you're having trouble with this, I'd suggest reading The Power of Now or Loving What It Is. Both of those books really helped me out when I was trying to adjust to living in the moment and accepting my new life for what it was, changes and all. That whole go-with-the-flow thing didn't come easily to me (still doesn't sometimes!), but it's definitely an essential attitude to have when it comes to changing. 

As we all know, change can be so brutal sometimes. It's hard to face it when it's forced upon us, but it can be even more difficult when we're trying to implement it ourselves. At that point, change becomes a choice and, for that reason, it's something we can so easily avoid or give up on. Changing yourself is really hard work and these three steps are only the beginning. They are only small bits of advice to help you ready yourself for change. Around this time of year, people are thinking a lot about change, about making resolutions and changes. Recognize that change is hard, but you really do have the ability to change anything in your life. What it really comes down to, or at least what it came down to for me about a year ago, was being ready. If you're not ready for it, you won't change. But if you are ready...well, you have the amazing ability to turn your whole life upside down... 

How do you ready yourself for change? 
What advice do you have for those who want to make changes? 

words to live by: sometimes i feel like alice

 
(♥)

 

Sometimes I feel like Alice

In a Wonderland chasing rabbits

Cheshire cats and mad hatters

A better world, well, it don't really matter

Well day breaks and life is as dark as the room

The air is laced with sweet perfume

What is it about morning light

That makes everything feel alright

Alright

Well, it feels like I have just woke up

In a world where down is up

And up is a long way from here

And the big wheels, well, they keep on turning

They don't slow down, they just keep on learning

Well, my name's not Alice but I know how she felt 

When her world started turning into something else...

Sometimes I feel Alice

In the Queen's alluring palace

Got the playing cards on my track

Like a twisted game of blackjack

Because it feels like I have just woke up

In a world where down is up 

And up is a long way from here

And the big wheels, well, they keep on turning

They don't slow down, they just keep on learning

Well, my name's not Alice but I know how she felt 

When her world started turning into something else...

Well, sometimes I feel like Alice

Oh my name's not Alice but I know how she felt 

When her world started turning into something else

No my name's not Alice but I know how she felt 

When her world started turning into something else

Well it feels like I have just woke up

In a world where down is up 

And up is a long way from here 

Lisa Mitchell
"Alice" 

This has quickly become one of my all-time favorite songs. If you'd like to listen, check out "Alice" on YouTube. "Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

there is beauty in believing

  

 

"At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silent for all of them.
Though I've grown old the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe."

Chris Van Allsburg
The Polar Express

I can remember vividly a Christmas Eve when I was about five years old. Just like the line from the film The Polar Express, "On Christmas Eve many years ago I laid quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets, I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound I was afraid I'd never hear: the sound of Santa's sleigh bells." I remember just how it felt, to lie so quiet and still, hoping and hoping I would hear those bells ringing. And... I did! Lying there in bed, in the very first house I can remember living in, I swore I heard sleigh bells. Today all I can say is that I swear I heard what it was that I wanted to hear. 

Though it wasn't long after that that I stopped believing in Santa (which occurred after I cleverly decided to compare my Mom's handwriting on a check to the handwriting in a card from "Santa"...), I'll never forget that night when I believed so much that I heard those sleigh bells. It's one of the few times in my life that I've believed that much, that honestly, and that faithfully. Though I don't believe in that type of Christmas magic anymore, I do believe there is magic in Christmas. However, it's something I don't think, over the years, I've always believed in. 

Like most people, I've had my good holidays and my bad. I've had the years I was super into and the years I thought to myself, "Why in the world do we still do this every single year?" Christmas is one of those things that, though it can bring a lot of happiness, it almost always brings a lot of stress. There are events to attend, packages to wrap. There are gifts to make and errands to run. It can be really overwhelming to suddenly be faced with this time of the year when you have a million extra things to do. And don't even get me started on what it's like to be alone at Christmas. Total bummer. Let's face it -- Christmas can be rough. But, year after year, so many of us keep doing it. We keep wrapping the gifts and singing the songs and telling the same silly stories over and over again. We love it. Why? Because we believe. 

We believe there's something completely and utterly magical about Christmas. We believe in Christmas miracles, in Christmas stories. We believe that even the same ratty old decorations are beautiful. We believe that the same verses sung over and over again can still sound magical. We believe in glitter and tinsel and the idea that maybe -- just maybe -- this will be the very best Christmas of all. Sometimes it seems like a miracle in and of itself that we believe all of this, especially as adults. It's one thing for children, in their sweet innocence, to see the magic in Christmas, but, for us adults it can be a little bit harder. Yet we still do it. We still, after all of these years -- the good Christmases and the bad, the disastrous holidays and the magical ones -- believe. 

When I think about that night, so many years ago, when I was lying in bed and listening so hard for Santa's sleigh, I'm amazed. I'm amazed that my mind could play such tricks on me. And I'm even more amazed that, looking back on it, I'm actually happy that my mind did that. Normally I'd be against thinking logically, especially when thinking about myself in a critical stage of development as I was at the age of five, but, in this case, magic trumps logic. When it comes to Christmas, especially to a childhood Christmas, believing wins out over rationalizing every single time. 

There have been moments in my life when I've reflected on that Christmas and thought to myself, "What an idiot I was! How could I really have thought I heard sleigh bells!?" I realize now that that reaction was not anger at myself, but fear -- fear that I really could believe in something so much that I could create it in my mind. This fear of believing in something so fiercely that I can transform it into a reality has held me back for many years. I've spent a long, long time being afraid of believing. I've spent years afraid to believe in myself, afraid to believe in others, afraid to believe in ideas that I knew could be made real. 

This year I've finally begun to get a little bit of that five-year-old self back. This year I've once again begun believing. While I may not be lying in bed imagining sleigh bells, I'm still that same little girl, flat on her back, believing in something so much that she makes it a reality. I may not believe in Santa, but this year I've discovered that I still believe in myself. It's been a crazy, whirlwind of a year, but I've come to find what I always knew to be true... There is still, and always will be, great beauty in believing.

coping with joy

Today's post was written by Josh Hanagarne, the author of the always inspiring, always informative blog World’s Strongest Librarian. Living with Tourette’s Syndrome, Josh knows a thing or two about coping and I'm so happy that he agreed to be featured on Positively Present writing about what it means to be coping with joy. If you haven't stopped by his site yet, make sure you do after you read this post. You'll enjoy it -- and learn a lot too! 

I like to watch trends.  Trends trends trends, everywhere I go, including my trips to my own bookshelves.  A few years ago, I was looking at my books and began to make some mental notes of the subjects and themes on my shelves. A disturbing trend was emerging.  I had one shelf packed with books about coping.  Books about how to deal with life.  Books about why bad things happen to good people, and how to get over it.  Books about the endless struggle. There’s nothing wrong with these books, but I had more of them than I was comfortable with.

Coping

I believe that a moment spent coping is a moment that could be spent living.  Coping is about making it through another day.  Coping is about survival.  These are not always things that we should celebrate.  If you are actually fighting for your life, against illness or armed enemies, then sure, take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for seeing another sunset. But I’m not in either of those situations.  I’m trying to be very careful about what I choose to call victories and what I want to celebrate.

My Situation

So far, it’s been insurmountable.  Tourette’s Syndrome affects people in two broad ways: they either move involuntarily or make noises involuntarily.  Mine range from hitting myself to blinking my eyes too much to screaming to the point of getting hernias.  And that, my friend, is why I just want to sit still for a little while. It might not happen this year, or even this decade, but it’s going to happen, because that’s the goal.  Why commit to a goal and not achieve it? But back then when I was reading these books about coping, it was much, much worse.  It was very hard to enjoy anything that happened on those days.  That’s what convinced me that I was looking at things the wrong way.

The Purpose of Life?

In The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss makes a great observation.  I’m paraphrasing here, but the gist is that questions that don’t seem to have answers might just be poorly worded.  For instance, saying, “What is the purpose of life?” implies that you and I have the same purpose.  How likely is that?  My purpose is currently to press 106 lbs over my head with one arm, bend a grade 8 bolt with my hands, and still have time to play with my toddler.  Sound familiar? Probably not.  Nothing wrong with that, although I do recommend that you start bending some bolts for a thrill. So right there, perhaps a better question is “What is the purpose of my life?”  That might not be something you find in a book, because books written for the mainstream must adopt a one-size-fits-all approach.  Gurus don’t make money by saying “This book will change on person’s life!”  They make money by pointing at you from the cover of the book and saying “I can help everyone!” in a really sassy font. I don’t begrudge them their success, and I’m not saying they can’t or don’t help people.  I’m only suggesting that my past reliance on them might have been a symptom of a larger problem. 

Can You Cope with Joy?

The purpose of my life is to live with joy.  I have found that when I am in coping mode, joy is impossible in my life.  I lose the ability to find pleasure in all the small things that make life so satisfying. It is a small thing, but for me, merely thinking about challenges in a different way makes them more bearable.  Joy has become the barometer.  When things are terrible, I ask myself whether I am able to enjoy anything in my life.  If the answer is no, I am in survival mode.  This is not the mode I want to be in, unless I am literally fighting to survive. If I find that I am having a hard stretch but there are still things that I can enjoy, then I am living, not coping. 

Life is hard.  There is no shame in saying so.  Pain hurts.  There is no weakness implied in feeling the inevitable discomforts that are the cost of living.  But if the discomforts persist longer than they should, it is always worth asking why that is. Perhaps nothing I’ve said applies to anyone but me.  But much of what I believe has been shaped by those I look up to and the way they deal with their troubles.  As much as I like to read, very few books about living well have taught me how to live with joy.  Rather, they act as life jackets of distraction that float me to the end of another difficult day. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But if everyday was merely a search for distraction, I would be concerned about my priorities. Take care of yourself and never stop finding new ways to be happy.

Josh Hanagarne is the twitchy giant behind World's Strongest Librarian, a blog about living with Tourette's Syndrome, kettlebells, book recommendations, buying pants when you're 6'8", old-time strongman training, and much more. Please subscribe to Josh’s RSS Updates to stay in touch.

Photo Credit: (♥)

we are snowflakes: how to celebrate uniqueness in others

 (♥)

"And here comes the snow... A language in which no word is ever repeated."

William Matthews

Over the weekend, the sky was filled with falling snow. It was the most snow I'd seen in a long, long time and the area where I live declared it a blizzard. Where I'm from, we get snow, but blizzards are rare. Watching all of those snowflakes fall down, I was reminded of a book called Snowflakes that I once picked up in the bookstore. I recall picking up the book and flipping through it, utterly fascinated by the images of snowflakes, each unique and each so magically beautiful. (Today, after going to Amazon to grab the link to this book and checking out once again, I decided to order it. I rarely buy things for myself this close to the holiday, but I couldn't resist its beautiful images...) I can remember standing in the aisle, holding that book, and thinking, "Wow. This really is amazing." We're all pretty familiar with the idea that all snowflakes are unique, but seeing them in all of their unique glory really hit home for me. (If you haven't already clicked on the link, check out Snowflakes on Amazon and "Click to Look Inside" to see some of the images from the book.) I've always known snowflakes were unique, but seeing them really makes it more real. 

And, of course, it brings me back to that analogy between snowflakes and people that implies that we, like those little flakes of snow, are all unique. While there are so many similarities between us as people (which can be a great thing!), we really are all so unique and, when you think about it, that's pretty amazing. There are so many people -- just like there were so many snowflakes in the blizzard I saw this weekend! -- yet we're all uniquely who we are. It's so cool to think about it that way, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. How can we be unique and still keep our connection to others? How can we, like snowflakes, come together to make the world more beautiful? When you think about how rarely we really see an individual snowflake, how we see them falling from the sky in clumps, clinging to each other, we really can see how much we are like them. We are unique, but we want to be together. We need to be together. 

This is a concept I've often struggled with. For the most part, I've had the desire to be different. I've always wanted to be unlike anyone else (though, in high school, I'll admit that I bought in quite heavily to that whole conforming thing). To be compared to someone else has always been irritating to me. Even when it's been complimentary, I always think to myself, "I'm nothing like that person. I'm me." Perhaps that's one reason I clung so much to that Snowflake book. I wanted to be a snowflake. I wanted to be so unlike anyone else. Just like a snowflake, I wanted to be something that could be examined very closely without it being at all difficult to tell how I was different from all of the others. 

It's so easy to place ourselves and others in boxes. It's so easy to define each other by appearances or skills or qualities. We want that, I think, because it makes us feel like we've got people figured out. It's always so much easier when we can describe someone simply. Think about how much easier it is when you can say to someone, "Oh, she's really nice. You're going to like her," rather than those times you have to say, "Well, she's nice, but... She can have a bad attitude sometimes. But usually she's nice. Most of the time. Don't worry, you'll like her." When people are easy to figure out -- when we can put them neatly into a category like "nice," we like that. We want to be able to simplify things, and I get that. It makes things a lot easier, and who doesn't love easy? 

Unfortunately for us, when we get down to the heart of it, we can't really put people as neatly into boxes as we'd like to. People are more complex than that. People are more unique than that. Even the nicest person in the world can be mean. Even the most horrible person can be sweet. (For more examples, think back to 1998 and check out Everlast's "What It's Like," with lyrics that go something like, "I've seen a rich man beg/ I've seen a good man sin/ I've seen a tough man cry/ I've seen a loser win/ And a sad man grin/ I heard an honest man lie") As you can see from these lyrics (and thinking about examples you've probably seen in your own life), you know it's not always that easy to compartmentalize people. Every person, every situation, is unique -- and instead of trying put people into categories, we should embrace them for who they are. 

Just like when I was flipping through the book filled with page after page of unique snowflake images, it can be overwhelming to see everything as separate and independent and so, so different. We want things to be in categories so we can understand them. We like to be able understand things and sometimes we come across things or people that just don't fit into categories. When this happens, we can feel overwhelmed. But what if we stopped having categories? What if we realized that we could all be uniquely who we are all the time and that we didn't have to fit into anyone's categories (even our own)? What would that be like? Scary, yes. Overwhelming, yes. But also liberating. 

What would it be like if we came across people the way we might an exotic animal? What if we assumed nothing and waited to learn about them, waited to hear what they had to say about the world instead of making assumptions based on their appearance or our preconceived notions of what a human of their age/type/race/gender/ethnicity/religion/etc. should be like? What if we started out with every new person we met as a completely clean slate? What if we truly saw everyone for the unique person that he or she is? If we stopped comparing and contrasting and realized that, no matter how hard we tried to categorize someone, he or she would only fully fit into one box -- his or her own -- the world would be a lot better. We wouldn't be assuming people should act or be a certain way. We wouldn't be judging others with the harshness that can sometimes jump so readily ahead of even our most kind thoughts. 

7 Ways To Celebrate Uniqueness In Others

1. Have an open mind. It's easy to focus on what's familiar to you and to look for things that you have in common with someone else, but, when you open your mind up a little bit you might find that someone's differences are much more apparent and those differences can be pretty great. Embrace the ways your mind can help you see someone in a new light. 
2. Think independently. Of course it's easy to go with the flow and go along with what other people are doing. If you hear from someone else that a person is negative, for example, it's easy to start thinking of that person that way. But stop for a minute and think about how unique people are, you'll probably realize that it's best to assess others for yourself and find out what's really going on with them. 
3. Avoid harsh judgments. Sometimes I find it so tempting to label someone very quickly after only one or two interactions, but it's never a good idea to jump quickly to assumptions. Additionally, it's never a good idea to judge others harshly. Most situations and people are not as simple as we'd like to think they are, which is always something you should keep in mind.
4. Stop stereotyping. Stereotypes make it so easy for us to put people in boxes. They make it easy for our minds to think they understand someone, but, while we can't deny that there must be some reason for stereotypes, it's pretty safe to say that using them is a bad idea if you're trying to celebrate someone's uniqueness. 
5. Look below the surface. When you meet someone for the first time, it can be so easy to make quick judgments based on appearance alone, but think about how that would make you feel. Would you like to be judged based only on your appearance? Aren't you more complex than that? I'm sure you are and so are others. Look below the surface to find their unique traits. 
6. Don't fear the unknown. We are often quick to put others into categories because we are scared of not knowing what they are. We want to be able to understand them, but, really, if we just put them in a box, we're not truly understanding. To celebrate the true unique nature of someone else, you have to get over the idea that the unknown (or unlabeled) is bad. 
7. Seek the positives. Just because something is different or unexplainable to you doesn't mean it's negative. When you're looking at others and trying to celebrate the ways we are all unique, think about the good things. Think about all of the ways it benefits us as people for us all to be unique. All of our differences are awesome and it's so important to see the positive in them. 

We are all snowflakes. We are all independent of one another and, though we are drawn to one another, and may even have similar designs, we deserve to be seen as independent, distinct creations that cannot ever be 100% defined. Like snowflakes, we are changing. We are snow and ice and water. We are like each other in many ways, but we are never the same. I cannot stress enough how important it is to remember this, to know that, though it may seem like you've seen a "type" of person before, you should never assume that you know everything about him or her. He or she, just like you, is unique and it is this uniqueness that makes us all so amazingly awesome. Don't forget about the uniqueness in others and, just as importantly, don't forget about the uniqueness in yourself. Cliche as it might seem, you really are unique. There is no one -- and never, ever will be anyone -- just like you. I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty cool. Embrace your uniqueness and celebrate it every day and in every way you can. 

How do you celebrate the absolute awesomeness of being uniquely you? 
What tactics do you use to remind yourself that others are unique? 


   

words to live by: a grown-up christmas list

 
(♥)

 

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child,
but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself,
but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called
the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief
can we ever find the truth...

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Amy Grant
"Grown-Up Christmas List"

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

the magic christmas: lessons from my holiday tradition

        

(♥)

There aren't many Christmas traditions that I stick to no matter where I am or no matter what I'm doing and there certainly aren't many Christmas traditions that involve only me. But there is one thing I do every year, without fail, and it's something that concerns only me and a well-worn paperback book. For as long as I can remember, every Christmas I pull down one of my favorite books off the shelf and crack it open. While I'd love to say that every year I re-read Dickens' A Christmas Carol or even Richard Paul Evans' The Christmas Box, the book I crack open every December is Francine Pascal's The Magic Christmas. Yes, I'm aware that this Sweet Valley Twins book is geared to girls in middle school. Yes, also aware that I'm an adult. However, even though I'm all grown up, I can't seem to break the tradition of reading The Magic Christmas every year. Even though I know the story by heart and even though my time would be better spent reading a new (adult!) book, I cannot seem to shake the notion that there's something important about the book. It's been over fifteen years since the book came out (which means I've read it at least 15 times!), but I can't seem to break myself from the tradition, from diving into the magic of the story.

This year, of course, I was all  about analyzing the book as I cracked open its aged cover. What was it about the book that I loved so much? What was it that kept me reading it over and over again every year when I have always have a huge stack of books I'm dying to read? Even though you might not be interested in the book (or what it means to me personally), I did take away some pretty stellar lessons from re-reading it this year. As I was reading, I started realizing that there were some really positive messages that probably taught me a lot about life (even though I'm sure I didn't realize it way back in middle school...). Whether or not you've read (or ever will read) The Magic Christmas take a look at the lessons I've learned from the book. I'm pretty sure you'll get something out of them and realize that even children's literature can offer a lot in terms of positive messaging! 

10 Lessons Learned from The Magic Christmas

1. Never, ever give up -- no matter what. No matter what challenges you're faced with -- and, being trapped in a foreign, mythical land, the Sweet Valley Twins face some crazy ones in the book! -- giving up shouldn't be an option when you're striving toward an important goal. It's tempting sometimes when you're facing hurdles that seem insurmountable to want to throw up your hands and say, "Forget it!" -- but don't. If you want something badly enough and you work as hard as you can to get there, you'll be able to achieve what you set your mind to. Re-reading this book and seeing all of the crazy struggles the twins faced in order to get back home reminded me that you really can get through the tough times if you keep persevering.
   

2. Appreciate what you have. One of the themes in the novel is appreciating family and realizing how important they are to you. While, of course, I think it's very important to appreciate your family, I think it's also really important to appreciate all the things you have going for you in your life. One of the greatest lessons in the book is that, at any time, the things you love and care about can disappear from your life. While that might sound a tad dramatic, it technically is true, which is why it's so important to be appreciative of what you have. Even the most basic things -- like your food and shelter and abilities -- are things we shouldn't take for granted. The holidays seem to be a time when gratitude is celebrated even more than usually and The Magic Christmas really offers a great reminder to appreciate all we're lucky enough to have in our lives.
   

3. Open your mind and try new things. When twins Elizabeth and Jessica find themselves in a magical land filled with unexpected adventures and discover that just heading home is not an option, they're forced to try new things. At first it's not easy for them to embrace some of the differences in the culture around them, the fact that they have no other option than to adjust is a great reminder for the reader that, when you open your mind and try new things you just might find that you enjoy them. At various times over the course of the book, the twins encounter experiences that make them nervous or uncertain, but they give them a try and find that they're not nearly as bad as they thought. In fact, they're actually fun. Life in the real world can be that way too. When we encounter something completely new and different, we may want to resist it, but if we give it a chance, we usually will find that it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.
   

4. Learn to compromise with others. Compromise isn't always one of my favorite things to do, but sometimes it really is the only way. In the novel, the twins are forced into a situation where they really have little choice but to compromise and deal with their surroundings. While sometimes it's tempting to force things in your favor, it's usually not worth the struggle. The work you would spend on getting your way is usually much better spent trying to come up with a compromise. In the novels, the girls had to find ways to compromise with those they were traveling with. At times it wasn't always easy, but it almost always benefited them when they were able to let go of preconceived notions of what "should" be and accept the limitations placed before them. Compromise isn't always easy, but it's worth all of the effort that goes into it.
   

5. Accepting differences is cool. How boring life would be if we were all the same! When Elizabeth and Jessica find themselves in a new place filled with completely unfamiliar things, they realize that there are a lot of differences between their old lives and the place they are now spending time in. The culture is different, the people are different, and the expectations are different. At first they both resist, not wanting to fully embrace the ways of this new place, but as they spend more time there, they learn to see the good in the differences. Not only are they in a completely new place, but they are each traveling with guys who are totally unlike them. Because of this, they are forced to deal with the differences (which are sometimes great) and, instead of fighting against the differences, they each learn to embrace them. It's not always easy to accept the ways people and places are different from what you're familiar with, but, as Elizabeth and Jessica found, when you open your mind to new things, you can have some pretty wonderful experiences.
   

6. A good attitude is everything. When the twins first found themselves in a new place, neither of them were very pleased and immediately wanted to find a way home. However, as time went on and they realized that they'd have to go through a lot before they ever returned to Sweet Valley, their attitudes began to change. Instead of becoming discouraged or frustrated, both began to take on a positive attitude. And even when they were faced with some pretty tough situations, they both remain upbeat and hopeful that they'll someday make it home again. Honestly, if I were in their shoes, I don't know if I would be able to handle some of the things they faced without having a serious meltdown, but both of them really seemed to keep a positive attitude which, in my opinion, is one of the greatest lessons in the book.  
   

7. Don't be afraid to get creative. As Elizabeth and Jessica encountered more and more strange situations, they (and their companions) were forced to get creative. When you're in a strange land filled with magic, I'm sure it becomes a little more imperative to make use of creativity, but I think we can all apply this in the real world. When we're faced with situations that are new to use and we feel like we have no idea what to do, the best bet is to get creative. Elizabeth and Jessica were forced to come up with some pretty clever ideas when they found themselves in some tricky situations. Re-reading the novel reminded me that we really are more creative than we give ourselves credit for, and, if given the right situation, we're likely to see just how creative we can get. But why wait for our creativity to be forced out of us? We don't have to travel to some imaginary place to get creative -- we can start right now!
   

8. Trusting is sometimes the only option. When the twins arrive in this new and unfamiliar place, they are not with one another and, instead, find themselves with two complete strangers. Since they don't know where they are (or even how they arrived there!), they're left with almost no choice but to trust these two characters. Of course, I'm all for being wary of strangers, but I do think the book offered a good reminder to me that sometimes strangers aren't necessarily the worst people to trust. In fact, sometimes you don't have an option but to trust others. Trusting doesn't always come easily for everyone (and it certainly would be hard if you found yourself in a completely unfamiliar place with a stranger!), but it's important to be option to it while still being smart about your surroundings. It can be tempting to put up barriers when it comes to people you don't know, but if you let others in a little bit, if you trust just a little bit, you might just be surprised by how much you can benefit.
   

9. You are stronger than you think. Often we don't realize just how much strength we possess until we're put to the test. This was definitely the case in the novel. Had someone given them a preview of what was to come, Jessica and Elizabeth probably never would have believed they would have been able to do some of the things they did when they were journeying throughout this foreign land. It's the same with us. More often than not, we don't realize how strong we are until we experience our own power and stamina. It truly is amazing what some people are able to go through -- and many of them never would have thought they could do it. Even in my short life, I feel like I've been through a lot and I don't think, if someone had told me 10 years ago about all of the things I've been through, that I would have believed I could do it. One of the key lessons I learned when re-reading this book was that we're usually a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for and, when we're facing a tough time, we need to remember that.
   

10. Be prepared for the unexpected. The book begins with the twins mysteriously entering into this completely new and magical place and, while I'm well aware that things like that don't happen in real life, we generally have a lot of unexpected things occur. It's often when I finally feel like I have a plan in place that something happens and my whole world is turned upside down. While I suppose there's no really good way to be prepared for things you can't expected, you can be aware of the unexpected and realize that even the most carefully laid plans can be disrupted. As I was reading the book, I realized that sometimes you really do have to go with the flow. Life can throw you some pretty crazy curve balls and, while we're not going to wake up in some mythical kingdom one unsuspecting morning, we're probably pretty likely to be faced with some unexpected situations throughout our lives. So, don't fear the unexpected -- be on the lookout for it and realize that sometimes it really is a pleasant surprise in disguise.

If you're interested in learning more about the book (without actually reading it), check out the following: Sweet Valley Twins: The Magic Christmas. It's an interesting review and synopsis of the book (though it definitely contains some spoilers so don't read it if you think you might read the book!). I suppose, after giving it some thought and re-reading the book for the 15+ time, I realized that there are some pretty great lessons in the book. It's definitely geared to young girls, so I can't say that my mind is super stimulated every time I read it, but I do feel like there's a reason that I keep coming back to it year after year. Yes, it's a tradition, but there's also something meaningful in the book for me. Now that I've revisited it with a fresh perspective I see that I probably learned a lot from the book as I a kid and, even now, as an adult, I learn new things every time I read it. As silly as it might be, I can say for sure that I'll be picking it up and reading it again next December...

 

how to let go and reclaim your life

 (♥)

Today's post was written by Henri Junttila, creator of the awesome site Wake Up Cloud. I recently came across Henri's site when he left a comment on mine and I've been such a fan ever since. On Henri's site you can discover your passion in 5 days and get conscious about your life. I was thrilled that he wanted to write a guest post for Positively Present and I certainly wasn't let down when he emailed me his article. Henri's take on letting go is well-written and worth a read (or two!). Enjoy! 

Letting go is easier said than done, or is it? It’s nothing new that we like to complicate things and I am no different. Making changes in your life only happens when you are truly ready. Your mind is meant to think thoughts and it can easily become overwhelming and frustrating, especially when you start to taking them seriously.

Letting go for me means allowing things to be as they are and accepting the present moment just as it is. For the longest time I wanted to control and was horrified of letting go. I am not saying that I do not do this now, because I do, but to a lesser extent. It can be hard to let go and be at peace when tough things come at you.

At those times all you can do is your best. One of the topics that gets me off-balance is money. I have a deeply rooted belief about money and being afraid of not having enough and not being able to take care of myself or the people around me. By being aware of my thoughts and just doing my best, I know that I am constantly making progress.

We live in a society where quick results are expected. To be honest, I am very impatient and get frustrated easily when things are not going my way. We all have our pet peeves and they are there for a reason. In year or three you will see how much you’ve grown. There is no rush to get anywhere and there is no competition. Enjoy the ride and have fun.

Let Go of the Past

“Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.”
 Robert Anthony

Some people constantly think of the future, while others dwell on the past. The past is tricky, because your mind can distort and make you believe things that did not really happen, or you make the events that did happen worse. A good example is when you experience someone passing away that was very close to you.

The first reaction is to dwell on how much you will miss this person, but have you ever thought about changing your perspective? When I cannot just let go I will try different things to see if I am missing a piece of the puzzle. So instead of dwelling on what you have lost, you could think about the positive things and the moments you had that brought joy.

When you dwell on the past, you suffer now. Why are you doing that to yourself? Feeling bad, depressed and being negative is pleasurable in some way, which is one of the reasons we do it. We think it will bring us something. Being less serious about life will allow you to let go. Playfulness is something a lot of people are re-discovering, which is awesome. We have been way too serious up until now ;).

Let Go of the Future

 “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
 Chuck Palahniuk

Worrying about the future is my specialty. I project what will happen in the future and my mind convinces me that it is true. I won’t have enough money. No one will love me. I won’t succeed. Just a few years ago I was extremely negative, stressed and worried constantly about the future.

That was also the time I started meditating on a daily basis and reading books on spirituality, such as the Power of Now, which is still one of my favorites. When you really want to change, the tools will be given to you. It’s interesting how the universe works. We still have a lot to learn and can only marvel.

So what helps me let go of the future? The ability to question myself and realize that my thoughts are not the authority on the future. If you’re like me and tend to think about the future and not having enough, look inside and ask yourself how you can predict the future? Are you suddenly a psychic? ;)

Playfulness is your secret weapon. So what if you end up broke and without friends? The cool thing about imagining the future is that it is most likely the worst it’s going to get. Have you ever imagined something bad and had it happen to you, and you went “huh, that wasn’t so bad after all”?

Let Go of the Fear of Rejection

 “Nothing is miserable unless you think it so;
 on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.”
 Boethius

The fear of not being liked, of not being accepted or even respected is another big one for me. I’ve always been an introvert and always conscious of what I should and should not say. As I gathered more experiences under my belt, I started to learn that being yourself is the only thing that you can do.

Being someone who you are not takes a lot of energy and ultimately destroys you on the inside. Remember, when you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you’re attracting people that resonate with the person you are trying to be. In simpler terms: you are attracting people that do not match who you REALLY are.

I haven’t gone from an introvert to an extrovert yet, because it is always better to take things one step at a time. I have become more self-confident in who I am and letting myself be just a little bit ridiculous, because that’s who I really am. That’s who we all are. When I talk to people that have never met me they usually get that surprised look on their face thinking “this guy is crazy” but then they usually also go “but I like him”.

By being yourself, you are attracting those that you want to attract. If you’re looking for a soul-mate, you have to be yourself, because you are never going to meet the love of your life if you cannot love yourself.

If you are yourself and people reject you, you should be happy, because those people were not a good match for you anyway. See it as a filter. Be yourself, be playful and let go.

Let Go of Your Programming

 “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
 Eleanor Roosevelt

When I got out of school at the ripe age of 18, I became a professional online poker player. It was a fun ride that taught me a lot about discipline, money, people and spirituality. There are a lot of things you have to let go of when you choose to make money in an unconventional way.

At an early age we start taking in the labels and beliefs of our parents, our friends and our culture. We are supposed to go out there, go to school, get a good job, a nice house, a nice car, get a kid or two, retire and do what we really want to do.

Why should you wait? If you’re unhappy now, then that is a sign that you’re not following your passion and doing what you truly love. I played poker for almost five years. Earlier this year I decided enough was enough. I had been sick of playing for the last few years and I was only doing it because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make a living doing anything else.

I jumped into building websites about topics I was passionate about. Even that wasn’t enough. Last month I started feeling like something was missing. This was not something I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. Making money was great, but ultimately I wanted to help people grow.

If you’re waiting for something to happen, stop. There are no perfect circumstances. You will never be ready. I am not saying you have to do everything all at once. If you’re working in a job you hate and you love coffee, you can work during the day and start writing, video blogging or even podcasting about coffee on your free time.

You are the one who are responsible for how you react, how you feel, what you do and how your life looks. It’s easy to hide from that fact, which is exactly what most people do, but you are different. I can feel it.

It’s time.

Let go and reclaim your life.

You deserve it.

Looking for more reading material today (a.k.a., distractions from doing work or anything productive)? Check out the guest post I did on The Bold Life called "Traveling by Train: Lessons on Going with Life's Flow." In the article, you'll find out how I learned a lot about life just by walking down the aisle of a train! You never know where you'll find inspiration!