positively present

musings on meditation

 

Though I've read over and over about the benefits of meditation -- an easier time being present, better sleep, more mindfulness, a greater sense of peace, a more calm demeanor, improved health, etc, etc, etc. -- I'd always been hesitant to even give it a try. With a mind that's often going a mile-a-minute, I didn't think a mind like my would ever be able to be calm enough to sit in peace for any significant period of time. But a few weeks ago I finally gave it a try... 

My boss, my coworker, and I went on a department outing to a local yoga studio that also hold private meditation sessions. Not quite ready to be seated on the floor for a full hour of guided/silent meditation, my coworker and I opted for chairs while my boss and the meditation leader (guide? is there a special name for them?) sat cross-legged on braided blankets. I was oddly nervous, wondering silently if I might pass out from sitting still for too long -- or, worse yet, have some sort of panic attack from attempting to silence my ever-racing thoughts. 

I attempted to calm my nerves by listening intently to everything our guide was saying. I'd only been in a meditation situation once before -- in high school -- and all I can remember about it was giggling and acting childish only to late feel guilty for mocking the teacher who was trying to expand our young, closed minds. This time, I wanted to act like an adult, to really give it an honest try. And that meant listening -- an act I'm sad to say isn't my forte. I'm much more of a give-my-opinion, raise-my-hand, share-my-thoughts kinda girl. But I remained quiet, only speaking when she asked us what our goals were for learning to meditate. 

"I'd like to be more present in my life," I told our guide and my colleagues. "I always find that I'm thinking about what's next, in a rush to the next thing, and I want to be able to stay more in the moment." She nodded understandingly and I felt hopeful, like maybe she might actually be the one to help me slow down my racing thoughts, to finally make me one of those people who is fully, completely living in the now. 

Getting Started

Our guide started us off with guided meditation before allowing us to sit in the silent kind of meditation (are there more specific terms for these things?). The guided meditation was oddly familiar to me. It was a tactic I used frequently when I'm having trouble sleeping -- focusing on all five senses to distract myself from my racing thoughts. Doing it on a wooden chair in a room I'd never been in before guided by a voice that was not my own was a bit of a challenge at first. It was hard to let go of my thoughts about the new environment, my hopes that I'd really be good at meditation, and the nagging notion that I might be missing something happening in the world of my iPhone. 

With a little effort, I find myself more and more in the moment. I found myself getting just a little bit better at steering my thoughts back to whatever sense we were supposed to be focusing on. As we moved on to the next part of the meditation -- paying attention to various parts of our bodies -- I felt more relaxed. I was using some of the breathing techniques we'd learned at the beginning of the session. I wasn't able to completely focus on the now (I desperately wanted to know how much time had passed), but I was making a valiant effort.

Third Eye Meditation

In the last stage before silent meditation, our guide taught us third eye meditation. This was the kind of thing I'd always been a little be wary of (mostly because the idea of a third eye kind of grosses me out). This was the stuff that was crossing into what I thought would be unfamiliar territory. However, it ended up being the part of meditation I liked the best. We were encouraged to close our eyes and focus on the spot in the middle of our foreheads. There we were to imagine a movie screen and playing on it were our thoughts. Any time we had a thought, we were supposed to visualize it on the screen and, rather than judge it or try to get rid of it, we were encouraged to watch it as an observer. 

Watching my thoughts on the tiny screen on my inside of my forehead was something that, while it sounded odd, was actually quite interesting. Instead of judging myself for being distracted, which would only result in more thinking, I was able to see the thoughts objectively and let them go. This didn't mean they didn't keep popping up on the screen, but I was able to look at them in a different way and not cling to them as I typically would. I was able to let them go. 

At the end of the session I found myself more relaxed. I wasn't completely present-moment focused yet (my mind was already wondering what I'd missed in the hour I'd been away from the office), but I was happy to have some new tools to use when I found myself unable to focus on the now. Though I haven't meditated since that day -- it's so much harder to be motivated to do it without the guide! -- I would gladly do it again. It helped focus on the present moment without external distractions and it taught me a few new tricks for learning how to deal with my internal distractions. 

Have you meditated before? What did you think?
Any tips/tricks for someone just getting into it? 

get over overthinking: 6 steps to start now

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The January 2012 issue of Real Simple had a great article on how to get over overthinking (a negative mental habit that too many people -- including yours truly -- battle far too often). Below is my take on the six steps recommended to kick that cycle of too-much-thinking to the curb.

 

6 Steps to Stop Overthinking

Step 1: Take Action. As the article says, "If the problem is specific and solvable, try to turn it into a concrete solution." Don't focus on what happened in the past (or what hasn't happened yet). Instead, focus on what you can do to improve the present moment.

Step 2: Challenge Your Beliefs. Ask yourself if what you're thinking is definitely true. (More on this can be found in Byron Katie's Loving What Is, one of my all-time favorite books). Try to think about other possible ways of looking at whatever you're thinking about.

Step 3: Distract Yourself. My mom always used distraction on us as kids and to this day I find that it's one of the best methods for dealing with almost any situation that has resulted in overthinking. Find something that will stimulate you mentally and focus your attention on that activity.

Step 4: Don't Talk It Out. Sometimes you need to share with other people, but when you're overthinking something this is a big no-no. The more you talk about something, overanalyzing it and allowing for others' comments to take you in new thinking directions, the more you're going to obsess over it.

Step 5: Practice Mindfulness. Focus on the present moment and you'll take away the power your thoughts seemingly have over you. The present moment isn't about what could have been or what could be. It's about right now.

Step 6: Be Patient. Overthinking isn't an easy habit to break so it's important to be kind to yourself as you're working on this problem. As the article reminds us, overthinking about how you can't stop overthinking isn't going to do anyone any good.

Overthinking isn't something that can be stopped over night. It takes time, patience, and practice. The more you work on the steps above, the more you'll be able to avoid overthinking. And remember: there's a difference between thinking and overthinking. Thinking is great -- inspiring, motivating, necessary for survival -- but overthinking brings nothing but stress and negativity into our lives. If you want to live a positive life, it's important to have a handle on your own mind and these tips are a great place to start!

words to live by: eat up all the gray

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Bad day, looking for a way home
Looking for the great escape
Gets in his car and drives away,
far from all the things that we are.

Puts on a smile and breathes it in
And breathes it out, he says,
Bye bye bye to all of the noise.
Oh, he says, bye bye bye to all of the noise.

Hey child, things are looking down.
That’s okay, you don’t need to win anyways.
Don’t be afraid, just eat up all the gray
and it will fade all away.
Don’t let yourself fall down.

"The Great Escape"
Patrick Wilson

 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

how to overcome fear: 9 tips from the bold life

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Lately I've been struggling with fear a lot (see here), and it's been so wonderful for me to find inspiration from people who really seem to know how to overcome fear. Tess Marshall, creator of The Bold Life, is one of those people and she's been gracious enough to share her wisdom here. Take it in because it really is life-changing.  

Fear is an illusion that we buy into and believe in, simultaneously forgetting about our strengths, brilliance, and resilience. We give fear so much power that we forfeit our dreams to avoid the emotional pain of rejection, criticism, embarrassment, and other external circumstances beyond our control. 

Most of our fears aren’t justified or rational. For example, my daughter Kara is a flight attendant. I don’t fear for her safety because I can’t justify it. It’s been proven that air travel is safer then cars. Another one of my daughters texts and drives. I do fear for her safety, it is a rational fear because it’s dangerous. I’ve talked to her about it and I pray for her. I let my fear go because she is an adult. It’s her problem. I can’t justify holding on to my fear.

What stands between you and the life that you want are your fears. Fear of rejection, looking stupid, living alone, or going broke, are common fears that you can learn to rise above. Read the following tips on how to overcome fear and live the life you deserve.

 

How to Overcome Fear + Life the Life You Deserve

Do something brand new. Be a beginner. Be open to the different and the difficult. Push yourself. Follow someone’s lead. Ask questions. Try. Fail. Try again. Fail again. Succeed.

Focus on what needs to be done. Take small calculated steps to get to your end goal. Don’t give your fear attention or energy. Let it die a slow death. Build your courage muscles one action step at a time.

Let go of what you don’t want and visualize what you do. Stop running negative images in your mind of bad things happening. Create the image of the outcome you want and dwell on it. Work towards it. Each time you feel fearful replace it with your image of success.

Take your fear to the gym. When you are stuck in fear and feel paralyzed by negativity, get active. Lift weights, run, or walk off your fear. Move physically. Motivate yourself with a play list of positive songs 

Use affirmations and quotes. I write down positive quotes and affirmations on index cards and put them in my car, bathroom, bedroom and kitchen. It only takes a few minutes to see things differently and change my calm my emotions.

Release attack thoughts and negativity. We project our own negativity and fear when we get caught up in drama and become envious of the success of others. Somebody else’s success has nothing to do with yours. Focus on taking action on your own behalf. Choose to be happy for people who get what you want. Learn to say and mean, “Good for them.”

Change your perception and change your story. Stop doubting yourself. Become aware of the stories you tell yourself about your self-worth, intelligence, strengths, and possibilities. Own your greatness. Create stories that resonate with the beautiful person you are. No one else can do it for you.

Create new expectations. Expect to succeed. Tell yourself things are going well. Know that people want to help you. Spin new stories about the future. You have a choice. You can expect the best or the worst. Why wouldn’t you choose the best?

Replace fear with fun. Fear can lead to a work addiction. When you lack balance in your life it shows up in your relationships, business, and health. Carve out time to laugh and play. Get away from all electronics and get your fun meter running. Dance, hike, begin a new hobby, and laugh as often as possible.

 

The alternative to facing your fears is that your fears will control you. Don’t miss out on opportunities. Don’t cheat the people who will benefit from your gifts. Live is meant to be lived out loud and in joy. This is your time. This is you life. Live it with gutsy, risk-taking, glory.

Tess Marshall is the founder of The Bold Life, where she inspires people to live a fearless life. If you are tired of being stuck in fear and want to step into your greatness, click here to learn more about Take Your Fear and Shove It, an ecourse that will help you overcome your fear!

WIN a copy of Take Your Fear and Shove It!

• Leave a comment telling me how you plan to overcome fear this year.
• Include your email address so I can contact you when you win.
• Want an extra chance to win? Tweet + mention @positivepresent.
• THREE winners will be selected on Thursday, January 26, 2011.

** Speaking of winners... congrats to JR, Melinda, and Strelka, the three winners of last week's giveaway!**

write it down: a 2012 goal for everyone

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"I'm not writing it down to remember it later,
I'm writing it down to remember it now."

Field Notes

 

 

When I purchased a set of Field Notes for my boyfriend's Christmas gift, I received a gift myself: the above quote nestled in the bottom of the confirmation email. (It is also, I just noticed, splashed bolding across the company's website, which makes me question if I might miss the big things but notice the little ones...) Reading this quote got me thinking about writing, memory, and why we keep track of what we do. Even those who are not writers often keep track of their lives, even if it is in a small way, jotting down bits and pieces about their day in a planner or diary or toiling away at an online journal or blog. Many of us track our lives in some form of written word. I always thought this was done so we could look back on these words one day and reminisce about what was. However, I've kept a diary/journal since I was about nine, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually looked back at the words I've written.

 

Recognizing this has made me realize that writing "it" (a memory, a meeting, a moving moment) down is not necessarily about preserving what is so that it can be reflected on as what was. Instead, writing it down is often about keeping us present, in the moment, and focused on what's happening in the now. It's a great way to collect your thoughts, embrace a future memory, or just settle your mind. You might be thinking, "Sure, that sounds great, but I'm not a writer." But that's the beauty of it! You don't have to be a writer to write something down. There's no right or wrong, no spell check, no grammar or fact checker. It's just you and your words. Just you experiencing the moment.

 

If you're not already in the habit of writing things down, it might be a difficult practice to adopt at first. Here are some ideas I've come up with to use writing (even just a note or sentence) in a present-moment practice that will help you stay focused on the now.

 

7 Ways Putting It in Writing Can Keep You Present

 

1. Keep a one-sentence journal. Once a day -- either right when you wake or right when you're about to end your day -- write down a sentence about your day. It could be about how you feel, what you did, what the weather was. It can be about you, about other people, about the past or future. Getting into the habit of writing something down every day -- even just a sentence -- will help you to say more present. Here are some resources if you're looking to use a pre-made journal: Happiness Project One-Sentence Journal or One Line a Day.

 

2. Start writing my-kus. I first read about the concept of a "myku" in Ashley Davis Bush's Shortcuts to Inner Peace. What's a myku? It's a haiku (you know, the poem) but without the syllabic rules I've always been a fan of poetry (and even dabbled it in a bit myself), and this seemed like a great and easy way to think about the moment in a quick, yet beautiful, way. Commit to writing one of these a day (or week) and you'll find yourself being more attentive to the world around you.

 

3. Write a description. When you're posting a photo online, emailing a photo to a friend, or sharing an image on Twitter / Instagram / Tumblr / etc., take a moment to write out a description of that image. It doesn't have to be wordy -- a quick line of text will do -- but it should provide you with an opportunity to stop and think about what it is you're looking at. If you start this practice, you'll teach yourself not just to snap and send, but to really notice what it is you're photographing or looking at.

 

4. Create a quote book. Online or on paper start a book that contains your favorite quotes -- both from well-known sources and from those you know. You can even put some of your own words of wisdom in there! Not only will doing this help to inspire you (and potentially create some future laughs when you look back on it years later), but it will also help you be more in tune with what you (and others) are saying. Words come and go so quickly that sometimes we really forget to listen, and keeping track of quotes will help you say more tuned in to what is being said.

 

5. Send a letter. When was the last time you emailed or wrote someone just to say or tell him or her how you felt. Too often the only time we write to others is when we want to ask for something. Instead of waiting until you need something to get in touch, why not sit down and write and letter or email as soon as you think of someone? Even if the only words you write are "thinking of you," you'll be taking the moment of thinking of someone one step further than if you had simply thought and not acted. Loved ones and friends will be happy to hear from you and you'll be keeping that person in your mind just a little bit longer with every word you write.

 

6. Make a list. A list might sound like a boring thing to keep you in the moment, but that all depends on what the list is. What if you wrote a list of things you loved? What about a list of things you're grateful for? Or a list of all the things that made you smile today? Next time you're writing a list for the grocery store (or Target in my case!), take a few extra minutes to write a list that inspires you, documenting things that bring you happiness. Writing these things down will bring you a little burst of happiness.

 

7. Draft a story. Okay, this one might not be for everyone. If you're really not a big fan of writing, crafting a story might sound like a daunting task -- but I still encourage you to give it a try. This doesn't have to be a best-seller -- just a little synopsis of something you experienced. If you're having trouble getting started, begin with your five sense. What did you hear? See? Touch? Taste? Smell? Thinking about these details and writing them down will help you to be more aware of them on a daily basis.

 

 

These ideas are just a start. I'm sure there are many other ideas for how writing can keep you present -- even for those who wouldn't consider themselves writers. Any ideas on how to stay in the moment through writing? What other writing-related things can you do to stay present every day?