positively present

note to self: it's okay to be happy

 (♥)

As often as I write about and spend time exploring the concept of happiness, you might be surprised to hear that sometimes happiness actually scares me. When I come across those moments when I'm feeling so deliriously happy that I can't stand it (moments that, through all of my work on the blog and because of some pretty awesome things in my life, are becoming more and more frequent...), I feel a slight sense of panic, thinking to myself, "Watch out! That happiness is going to leave you and then where will you be?" Having lived so long in a state of unhappiness, I actually have begun to mistrust the happy times, as if they are some deadbeat who will come and leave at whenever it's convenient. When I see happiness coming my way, I tend to look suspiciously at it out of the corner of my eye, wondering just how long it's going to stick around this time. 

I realize, of course, that that's not the best way to handle the happiness I'm experiencing. It's not productive and it certainly takes away from the happy feelings. I've found myself struggling with this a lot lately. I've felt very happy, but it's almost as if I don't want to feel that happy because I'm scared of not always feeling that happy. Like most people, I go through ups and downs -- sad times and happy times -- but I find that, while I fully embrace the sad times, wallowing in them for all they're worth, I hesitate when it comes to happiness. I find myself standing on the edge of it, just dipping my toe in like it's freezing cold water. Even though I'm burning up and would love to dive into its refreshing coolness, I still stand on the edge of the pool, dipping one foot in and then the other, my heart hesitating, my mind telling me it's much too cold to jump in.

To be perfectly honest, this fear is starting to get on my nerves. I see other people jump in fearlessly, un-fazed by the chill and popping up from under the water refreshed and relaxed. Why can't I do that? Why I can't I just jump in, untethered by my fear of losing a happiness that, before now, I didn't even know I would be scared to lose? I know I'm not the only one up to my ankles in happiness water, scared to submerge my full self, but sometimes I feel very, very frustrated by the way that I hold myself back. And that frustration has built up to the point where I've had enough of it. I'm done holding back. I'm done standing on the edge, scared to jump in. This time I'm not going to be scared of the happiness. I'm going to jump right in and let it soak me to the core.

Now that I've made that decision, I feel relieved. It definitely takes a weight off of my shoulders to think to myself, "Hey, I'm going to allow myself to be as happy as I want to be and I'm not going to worry about whether or not I'm going to be this happy forever." It all comes back to the main focus of my blog (and my life): to live happily ever after now. I'm not going to sit around worrying about the future and what could happen. I'm not going to doubt the happiness I feel and tell myself that it's not real or that, for whatever reason, it's not something I deserve. Instead, I'm going to to recognize the happy emotions, embrace them, and validate them because, in this very moment, they are real and, like it or not, they are what I'm experiencing. No more worrying about the future (live in the now!). No more doubting the veracity of my happiness (be positive!).

As I was laying in bed last night, a big silly grin on my face, I tried to rationalize with myself. I tried to tell myself not to get too excited, not to allow yourself to be too happy. And then this voice came out of nowhere. Like a two-year-old just learning her way around the world, after every statement I made, the voice would say, "Why??" When I told myself, "Don't let yourself get too happy," the voice quipped, "Why?" When I told myself, "You shouldn't be lying in bed smiling like a big idiot," the voice spoke up again, asking, "Why?" I started to realize that that little voice of mine was right and it was there for a reason. When faced with all of those "why" questions, I began to realize that there really is no good reason why I shouldn't be deliriously happy. Even if it passes and I never feel this way again, wouldn't I want to look back and realize that I embraced that happiness whole-heartedly? Wouldn't I want to remember it as a happiness instead of the battle between happiness and self-doubt?

And, as smiled into my pillow, I allowed myself to feel it, to really, really feel that happiness. I pushed all of the doubts from my mind, all of the "what ifs" and all of the "buts" and I just let the happiness lay down beside me. I pushed myself against it and let myself -- for once! -- relax by its side. And, you know what? It felt amazing. It was, in fact, one of the best feelings in the world. There is something to be said about clearing your mind of all doubt and just letting yourself feel that is amazingly rewarding. My mind always being a whirlwind of activity, this doesn't happen for me very often. I am always a jumble of thoughts and feelings that I never really just allow myself to just feel without thinking of all of the consequences. Last night I allowed myself that small but powerful moment, a chance to just be happy.

Of course, doing this wasn't easy. It took a lot of back-and-forth in my mind, wondering and realizing and rationalizing, but once I finally settled down, it was great to just be happy and not to worry about what it meant or why it was happening or how it might go away. When I woke this morning and thought about it, I realized that I went through a little process before I was able to actually accept the happiness I was feeling...

How To Allow Yourself To Be Happy

1. Recognize the happiness. The first step, of course, is recognizing how you feel. For me, this is actually kind of hard. I'm always on the go, always rushing and doing and thinking, and sometimes it's hard for me to realize how I feel. I try to pay attention to my body because that usually gives me some pretty obvious clues. For example, last night, when I was grinning like a fool, I realized that something was up. I paid attention to that sign and realized that the reason I couldn't stop smiling was because I was really, truly happy. So many things in my life were going well and I had a lot to smile about. It's been awhile since I was able to pin down happiness in that way and really realize that's what I was feeling, but once I did that, it felt really great (until all of those doubts started creeping in...).
   
   
   
2. Accept it for what it is.When I started doubting the happy way I was feeling, when that little devil on my shoulder started telling me that it wouldn't last and that I shouldn't get too attached to it, I realized that I had to accept the happiness for what it was. It was what I was experiencing, what I was truly feeling, and I couldn't let my thoughts (those little devilish thoughts!) get in the way of how I was feeling. Sure, it could fade away. Sure, I could wake to find that something devastating had happened. But that hadn't happened yet and, for the time being, it was up to me to choose: did I want to be happy or did I want to be worrying that the happiness I was feeling would go away? I don't know what you would choose, but the former seemed like a much better option.
   
   
   
3. Experience the moment NOW. Like many people, it's easy for me to get caught up in thinking about the past and the future. I found myself going back to the past and thinking of all the time I'd been happy and then been hurt or disappointed or saddened by something. I found myself thinking about the future and wondering what I would feel like if the happiness went away. And then I realized: I wasn't living in the now. I was comparing my happiness; I was forecasting unhappiness. And there was absolutely no logical reason I could think to do this. The past was over so I shouldn't let it worry me and I had no idea what the future would bring. Maybe, hard as it is to believe, I would always be this happy. Or, even harder to believe, maybe I would even be happier. Who knows?!
   
   
   
4. Avoid worry and doubt.  So, I decided to experience the happiness in the moment and not let my feelings be bogged down by the past or tormented by the unknown future. It wasn't easy to do this because there's nothing scarier to me than being smile-so-hard-my-face-hurts happy. I wanted to challenge the happiness and say to it, "I know you're going to go away and, because of that, I have to ignore you while you're around." What I realized after having that thought was that it was completely ridiculous. What if I did that with Bella, my sweet, adorable dog? What if I decided I wasn't going to spend time with her because I knew someday she was going to die? How ridiculous would that be? When I thought about it that way, I realized that I had to make a home for happiness. I had to push all of the worry and doubt from my mind and just feel it -- even if there was a chance it would someday be gone -- because that's what acceptance is. It's all about feeling it and not letting your mind take over with it's pesky little what-if notions.
   
   
   
5. Share the feeling with others. Sometimes I struggle with being deliriously happy because I don't think it's fair. For whatever reason, I have it in my mind that there's a limit on how much happiness there can be in the world and when I'm feeling super happy I feel like I'm hogging it all. Even though I know that the amount of happiness is infinite and that it's not selfish or wrong to feel giddily happy, it still helps when you can share your happiness with others. It takes some of that Catholic-school-girl guilt away, I guess. So I've been trying to share my happiness -- to be kind to others, to smile at strangers, and, most importantly, to tell people about it. I used to be afraid to say I was happy because it wasn't "me," but now I realize that telling others about how happy you are makes them happy too. When a friend or family member tells me how happy s/he is, I feel great. I feel happy too. So why shouldn't I give him/her the same feeling? If you're happy and you know it, tell someone about it!

I'm sure there are some people out there reading this and thinking, "What's the big deal? If you're happy, just be happy." I would love for it to be that simple. For me, happiness is hard work and, as I said at the beginning of the post, sometimes it's downright scary. After years of being a grumpy ol' Eeyore, I'm still adjusting to the idea that it's okay, it's normal, to be happy. Rather than splash around in my happiness, I tend to hang back, unsure, slightly nervous, and worrying, so for me to get to this place, the place where I can just be happy without fearing that I'm someday going to be unhappy, is a pretty big deal. Last year around this time I was going through some pretty tough stuff. I can truthfully say that last November was one of the hardest months of my entire life. But now I'm here -- and I'm happy! -- and I'm finally realizing that it is not only okay to be happy, but it's okay to admit that I'm happy. 

This happiness, like everything in this world, is temporary, but that doesn't mean I should run from it. After all, nothing lasts forever. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't enjoy it while I'm here, living this life. Yesterday I was listening to a Dave Matthews Band song and these lyrics really stuck with me as I was trying sort out all of my happiness issues: "I'm saying open up/And let the rain come pouring in/Wash out this tired notion/That the best is yet to come/But while you're dancing on the ground/Don't think of when you're gone." These words have always served as a reminder for me to stay in the present and focus on life now, but they also really apply to my struggle with accepting happiness. I'm here, dancing on the ground, and I have to allow myself to be happy. If it's for a moment, if it's for a day, if it's for a lifetime, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it's real, it's happening, and I'm finally, finally allowing myself to feel it.

words to live by: keep yourself positive

 
  

 

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.

Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviours.

Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits.

Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.

Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

 

Mahatma Gandhi

A big thank you to Philippa, of Green Ink Girl, who sent me this quote this week. It is perfect example of words to live by. "Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

how to bring your shooting star down to earth

 (♥)

"Who said every wish would be be heard and answered when wished on a star?
Somebody thought of it, and someone believed it, and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? What do we think we might see?"

Unknown

While I was in Jamaica (which, by the way, was the best vacation ever!), I was lucky enough to see not one but three shooting stars zip across the sky. For some this might be no big deal, but I've always wanted to see one and had never had the chance to before. To say the least, it was an awesome night. The sky was filled with so many stars that it looked as if someone had thrown glitter across it. It was beautiful and it was incredibly exciting to see one of those glittering pinpricks dart across the black blanket of the sky. Clearly the night of the shooting stars made quite an impression on me.

When I returned from the island, I decided to look up the meaning of a shooting star. Of course, I'm well aware that the meanings I'm about to write about here are merely random opinions and not necessarily facts, but I find others' interpretations of shooting stars fascinating. According to one source, a shooting star in a dream (which is what the night felt like) is "symbolic of changes in your life." Another source said that seeing a shooting star can be "a symbol of reaching one's ultimate destiny," and that "according to common belief, when one makes a wish on a falling star, the wish will come true." This source also shared some interesting insight about why people wish on stars:

At the time when the Greek astronomer Ptolemy's view of the cosmos as a universe of interlocking spheres became the orthodoxy, there was a widely accepted and very poetic explanation for "falling stars" which was entirely consistent with other deeply held beliefs of the time. It was thought that the gods, overwhelmed with curiosity, would sometimes look at the earth from between the spheres, and that in that instant a star or two might slip through the gap and become visible as a falling or shooting star. Since the gods were clearly peering down at that very moment, it was considered an excellent opportunity to voice one's wishes with the guarantee that the gods would hear them.

Now, I'm not naive. I know that wishing on a shooting star isn't going to be the magic answer to any problem or desire I have. For me, wishing is a whole lot of fun, but there's more to it than just turning my face to the sky and imagining what could. No, wishing is much more than that. What I love most about wishing is that it shows me what I really want. If I have a penny and I'm about to throw it into a fountain (which I actually did in Jamaica), I'm forced to stand there and really think about what it is that I want. Now that I think about it, it's kind of crazy that I don't do that kind of what-do-I-want? soul searching more often. I sort of rush through life, doing things that make me happy, doing things that make other people happy, and I don't always think about what it is that I really, truly want. When face-to-face with a wishing situation, it seems that my truest desires come out.

There have been times when my wishes have come true. Whenever I felt a wish had been granted, I used to rejoice, thinking how lucky I was. Only now do I realize that the wishes came true because I worked towards them. Whatever wish I made, I realized in that moment that it was something I wanted and I began looking for it and working towards it without even knowing it. Such, I suppose, is the true power of wishes. Wishing makes you see things clearly, makes you see what it is that really matters to you. The act of wishing brings the shooting stars -- your goals, your dreams, your ideas -- down to earth and makes them something tangible, something you can act on.

The act of wishing is just the starting point, the small spark that sets the ideas in your mind on fire. Leonardo da Vinci once said, "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." It can be like that when it comes to wishes. If you make a wish and choose to focus on it, your mind will be connected with it and your actions will reflect your desire. It's for that reason that wishes can come true. Actions might speak louder than words, but it's the words in your wishes that you should pay attention to in order to uncover what it is that you hope to achieve in your life.

While I certainly don't plan to reveal the wishes I made on the night I was looking up at those shooting stars, I am going to share my ideas on how to take your wishes -- those shooting star dreams that appear as distant flashes of light -- and bring them down to earth.

How To Turn a Wish Into a Reality

• Validate your wishes.One of the key things holding people back from actually believing in and working towards what they want is that they don't think they should have what they want or they don't think it's a worthwhile wish. That's just not true! If you want something, you deserve to want it and you deserve to have that desire validated. That validation might not come from anywhere but you so make you give your wishes a fighting chance by accepting them as valuable parts of who you are.
  
  
• Put it into words. Sending out a wish into the universe is great, but it's also easily forgotten. I cannot even tell you how many wishes I've made in my life and how few of them I actually remember. For this reason, when you make a wish and it really means something to you, find a way to keep that wish at the forefront of your mind. For me, writing something down really helps but I know that's probably not everyone's cup of tea. Another great way to make your wish take an tangible form is to tell someone about it.
  
  
• Create a plan of attack. Once you've validated your wish and made it tangible in the form of words, you can now create a plan. It's hard to say exactly what the best way to do this would be since the concept of a wish is so, so general, but I'd advise starting small. Choose little goals that you can tackle and before you know it you'll be making strong progress towards making your wish come true. Personally I always think it's best to actually write down your plan and revise it as you go along, but I know that might not work for everyone.
  
  
• Look for opportunities. After you've created a plan, you can work on it, but don't let yourself be limited by it. There are all sorts of opportunities and ideas that you may not yet have thought of and if you close yourself off to them, you may miss out on a great way to make your wish come true. Be open-minded and take notice of what's happening all around you. It may not be obvious, but if you look hard enough, opportunities for making wishes come true are everywhere!
  
  
• Believe in yourself. Believing in yourself ties in strongly with the first point I made. You have to believe that you deserve to have a wish and you have to believe that you can make that wish come true. If you don't believe in that, your lack of confidence is going to bring you down and it'll make it a lot harder for you to follow through with your plan. If you want something, go after it. Believe you can have it. I can't promise it will always work out, but it's a lot less likely to even stand a chance if you don't believe.

If you're not a big fan of wishing (not everyone has that wish-upon-a-star mindset!), give it a try and see what comes to mind. You might surprise yourself with what you actually want if given the option of infinite possibilities. Whatever your wish might be, pay attention to it and give it the credit it deserves. When you're faced with the opportunity to ask for anything you want, you'll find that your inner voice will quickly speak up. If you listen to that voice inside of you -- the one that really knows what you want and isn't distracted by the doubts and fears created by world outside your mind -- you'll find out what you really need. Once you figure out what your wish-laden shooting star is, capture it, hold it in the palm of your hand, and bring it back down to earth.

Do you spend any time wishing for what you want?
How do you harness those wishes and turn them into realities?

kicking ass with kindness

 
(♥)  

I'm honored to be part of an amazing group -- Random Acts of Kick Arse. The group, which includes Life, Laughs, and Lemmings, The Jungle of Life, Jane Be Nimble, Joy Rebel, Operation Nice, has joined together to take part in committing random acts over the course of one month. Each month we have a different "theme" and, for the month of October, the theme was kindness. When I first started thinking about this random acts of kindness project, I had some doubts. First and foremost, I wasn't sure I'd remember to keep up with my random acts of kindness (terrible, I know). What if I forgot to be kind? What if I got to the end of the month and had no random acts to write about?

Secondly, I wasn't sure quite how I felt about random acts of kindness. It wasn't all that long ago that I read (and agreed with) an article on The Happiness Project called "Happiness Myth No. 7: Doing Random Acts of Kindness Brings Happiness." In the article, Gretchen Rubin says, "It’s not bad to practice random acts of kindness. But if you want to build your happiness based on the happiness you bring to other people –- the noblest ways of boosting happiness -– it’s more productive to be targeted. Help a co-worker even when you’re rushing to meet a deadline yourself...Putting money in someone’s meter is just such an unexpected action that there’s a good chance that it won’t be understood correctly." Basically, Rubin believes that, though people like kindness, randomness throws people off and it's not always appreciated.

As Rubin said, it's not bad to be kind in a random fashion, but is it really as productive as we think? I don't know... It's for this reason that I had a hard time with the group project of committing random acts of kindness. I had to wonder, "Would these acts be misinterpreted? Would they be appreciated? Would I honestly feel better, happier, if I performed these acts?" At the beginning of the month, I struggled with this. I wasn't sure what kinds of acts I should perform and, if I did perform them, I wasn't sure what kind of expectations I would have for them. I felt a little bit helpless in the world of random acts, not sure what to do and if whatever I came up with would really be something worth writing about at the end of the month.

So I went back to The Happiness Project and re-read Rubin's article. I realized that the more I thought about, the more I agreed with her. The random things -- like plugging someone's meter or letting a car in front of you in traffic -- are great, but they're not as worthwhile as the less random things -- such as helping a coworker who's super busy or visiting a friend who's upset. I was originally planning to list all of the random acts I did over the month of October, but instead I found myself attempting to help out those around me. I found myself being more attentive to the needs of others and looking around for ways to help those around me make their lives better.

To some, this might sound like something we should be doing all the time -- and I agree with that. We should always be trying to help our friends, our families, or our coworkers. But are we? I don't know about you but I find that I often get wrapped up in whatever I'm doing or get so distracted that my own busy-ness that I forget to really look around me and see what kind things I may be able to do for others. Oddly enough, one of the greatest opportunities for me to be kind to someone else came up over the past month. As you may have read, my mother was pretty sick for about a week with the flu. My mom is rarely sick and rarely asks me to do anything for her, so this was a great opportunity for me to flex my kindness muscles.

One of the things I worried about most when it came to taking on this random acts of kindness project this month was the whole brag factor. Did I really want to do nice things for others and then hop on my website and tell the world about them? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of doing nice things, if you're really only doing them for praise? For that reason, I'm not going to list (or even tell you about) the kind things I strived to do over the past month. Instead, I'm going to tell you this: being kind to other people makes you feel great. No matter whether I did a small kind thing or a big kind thing, I felt good while I was doing it and it left me with an after glow of happiness. If you're considering doing something kind for someone else, I'd suggest you get on that. It makes other people feel good and it makes you feel great.

Since I'm not going to list all of the kind things I did this month (but I did them! I swear!), I'm going to give you some advice based on what I've learned over the past month as I pondered the concept of kindness in my own life. Kindness should come naturally, it should be something we do without thinking about it, but that's not always the case. For those of you who'd like to incorporate more kindness in your life, check out my ideas below.

How To Kick Ass with Kindness
 

• Pay attention to the lives around you. This sounds easy enough, but think about how often you get caught up in your own life and don't really pay attention to the lives of those around you? I find that this happens to me a lot, and it's pretty hard to really, truly be kind to others when you're completely caught up in your own life. It's really important to look around you and pay attention to what's going on with other people. Don't wait for someone to come for you and ask you for help. Reach out to him or her and spread that kindness around! 

• Listen to what people are saying. It's so important to listen to what other people are saying. And don't just listen to the words that are coming out of their mouths. Listen to what the meaning is behind those words. Listen to what people are not saying. Sometimes it's what people don't say that's really important. One of the greatest ways to find out how you can help other people and treat them with kindness is to listen to them. Sounds easy, but it's even easier to ignore the true meaning in another's words. Listen up and address the words of others with kindness.  

• Treat yourself with kindness always. It's pretty hard to be kind to others if you're not kind to yourself. It's interesting, actually, when you look at some of the nicest, kindest people and realize that they're really hard on themselves. Some of the nicest people I know treat themselves pretty harshly. If you really want to be open to committing acts of kindness, you have to treat yourself with kindness. Be nice to yourself. Treat yourself kindly and be nice to your mind and your body. If you do this, you'll be much more able to treat others with kindness as well. 

• Look out for the underdogs in life. Some people naturally cheer for the underdogs in life, but many of us don't really pay that much attention to the little guy. It's not that we're mean to the underdogs, but we might not notice them because they're usually not as loud or showy as some of the big dogs. While you're paying attention to the lives of those around you and being conscious of what others might need, look to see who's not speaking up, who's getting buried by the noise and chaos of others. It's often those that aren't speaking up or voicing their problems that need the most help. If you're able to offer someone else a bit of kindness -- even if it's just a kind word -- you can really make a difference in the life of an underdog. 

• Go out of your way for others. While I never believe you make other people the priority in your life, I do think it's important to find ways to go out of your way for other people. It's easy to do things for others that benefit you as well, but what can you do for someone else that really requires you to go out of your way for him or her? Sometimes it's a pain in the ass to go out of your way for someone else, but it's such a great way to spread kindness. People don't often expect you to go out of your way for them so it can be such a pleasant surprise for them when you do. Give it a try and see what happens! 

 

I hope these tips have inspired to you to spread kindness in your own life. I know we should always be doing this, but don't think I don't know how easy it is to get caught up in other things and not think about treating others with kindness. Sometimes it's just a matter of going from neutral to kind. Just because you're not being mean or cruel doesn't mean you're being kind. This month has given me a chance to really think about kindness and how I can incorporate it into my life. I can say for a fact that acting out of kindness has really helped me to be happier this month -- and nothing brought a smile to my face when I received a hand written note thanking me for being so kind. Take these suggestions and see how you can incorporate more kindness into your life! 

How do you spread kindness to those around you? 
What is your opinion on random acts of kindness? 

inspired by the opposite of love

 

 (♥)  

"The worth of a book is to be measured
by what you can carry away from it."

James Bryce
 

I'm not sure when it was that I first picked up a copy of Julie Buxbaum's The Opposite of Love, but from the moment I held the book in my hands I knew I would like it. At the time I had no idea just how much I would like it. It was, in a single word, amazing. To sound completely and ridiculous cliche, I laughed, I cried...It evoked so many wonderful (and sometimes heart-breaking) emotions in me. Though the novel itself was something I could relate to on level of uncanny familiarity, the topic alone was not what struck me. It was the writing. I read a lot of books. A lot. But few of them seemed as accessible -- and yet brilliant beyond anything I could think to write -- as this one did. I suppose that's what I loved most about it -- the ability to relate to it while also feeling awed by the brilliance of the writing. It was on my level and yet, somehow, above me. I loved that I could connect with the characters without that dreaded, "I could have written this" feeling. I was connected and yet separate while turning the pages of this moving, inspiring book.

I can recall the morning I finished reading The Opposite of Love. I'd woken up too early and instantly reached for it on my bedside, eager to finish the final chapter. It was one of those books that, after it was finished, I genuinely missed the characters. That, to me, is a sure sign of a great work of fiction. If I finish a book and, instead of eagerly reaching for my next read, sit there and wish I could start reading it all over again, I know I've just finished a great piece of work. Still clinging to that feeling, I rushed out to buy a copy of After You, Julie Buxbaum's second book.

I couldn't wait to crack the cover of After You, but, you see, I was nervous. What if this one wasn't as good? After all, how could it be when I'd fallen so head-over-heels in love with The Opposite of Love? I'd been in this position before, loving one book by an author so much that I ran out and bought his/her books only to be sourly disappointed, so I have to admit that before I read After You I had my doubts. But, boy, were those doubtful thoughts a waste of time. After You was brilliant. Again, I was so sucked in by the characters that I felt like I knew them. Again, when I finally finished it, I missed the characters. I wanted to start reading it all over again. The only disappointment I faced was realizing that there were no more Buxbaum books to read.

As I said, I really love to read and I read a lot. I have too many favorite books to count and I have a whole pile of authors that I just adore. However, for the first time, realizing there were no more Buxbaum books to read and feeling as if I had to express my appreciation for them somehow, I reached out to Buxbaum, writing her an email and sending her a message on Twitter. Never before had I made contact with an author simply to tell him or her that I truly loved a book, but I'm so glad I did. Buxbaum was so responsive and genuinely appreciative and her thoughtful replies made me love her work even more (if that's even possible!). Though I just read in Elizabeth Berg's Home Safe that one should always try to separate the author from his or her work, I find that hard to do. Buxbaum's appreciation and responsiveness heightened my appreciation for her work and for her as a person.

When I mentioned to Buxbaum in an email that I'd be happy to interview her and post it on my site, I didn't really think she'd say yes. I wouldn't have been disappointed if she hadn't done the interview, but I have to admit that I'm thrilled that she agreed to do it. How often is it that you have the opportunity to interview one of your favorite authors?! It's certainly never happened to me before and I can't thank Julie enough for taking the time out of her very busy schedule to answer the following questions. It was so wonderful to learn more about her as a person. 

An Interview with Julie Buxbaum
 

Do you have any female roles models? If so, why/how do they inspire you?I do, but there are probably too many to name!  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice when I grew up -- yes, I was that dorky -- so I've always looked up to Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  I am pretty much inspired by any woman who gets out there and works hard for something she's passionate about.

Have you encountered any difficulties being a female writer in a male-dominated world? I am not sure I've encountered difficulties, but I do think female writers are treated differently than male writers. For some reason, the topics that women (myself included) often choose to write about -- love, family, etc... -- are devalued by the literary world, viewed as "feminine", and often considered not worthy of review attention. I also find that women are happy to read books with both male and female protagonists, but men are much more hesitant to pick up a book in which the main character is a woman.  I can't tell you how often I am asked if my work is "chick lit", which is a question I don't particularly mind, but I guarantee most male writers aren't asked to classify their work in the same way.

What do you love most about being a woman? Pretty much everything! 

What do you love most about being an author? I love that I now look forward to Monday mornings, because I never know where my work will take me. That, and the fact that I get to write in my pajamas.

Have any female characters in books you've read inspired you? How so? I am a huge fan of the book The Secret Garden -- it plays a very large role in my second novel After You -- and I am completely in love with the main character, Mary.  She starts out as a whiny, unhappy, and mostly unsympathetic little girl in the book, but by the end has bloomed.  It's a magical story of self healing and redemption, and every time I read that classic, I am inspired by her transformation.

What was the most positive experience you had relating to the creation of your books? There is no better feeling than when you nail the exact right sentence, or paragraph, or figure out a particularly difficult plot point.  I get so carried away by what I am doing, I lose all sense of time and place, and just find myself completely absorbed.  Those are the moments that make me want to keep writing.  I can't say this happens often, but it happens just enough that I find myself completely addicted.

Who are your favorite characters in your own books and why? In After You, there is a little boy named Inderpal who is based on my husband.  It's the one and only time I've ever based a character on a real person, but thought it would be fun to imagine him as kid.  (He has always said that he wishes we could have known each other as children, so figured this was the closest we'd ever get.)   Luckily, it fit naturally with the plot, but I think it's only fair that he would be my favorite character I've written. He may not be the most important, or the most well developed, but he captures my heart.

Who are a few of your favorite female authors and why?I know this is not an original answer, but I love Jane Austen. Her work is amazingly timeless.  I am also a huge fan of Marilynne Robinson.  Her novel Gilead is one of the most beautiful pieces of literature I've ever read.  It's a deliberately slow read, but it's worth wading through. Her words are poetry.

If you could offer women writers one piece of advice, what would it be? I think the most important ingredient to being a writer -- except perhaps making sure you actually write -- is to read as widely and critically as possible.  I try to read anything and everything, and every book I pick up somehow informs my own work.  And one more thing -- don't be afraid to call yourself a writer.  If you write, whether you are published or not, you are a writer.  I was no more a writer the day before I got my publishing contract as I was the day after. 

Thanks again to Julie for agreeing to be interviewed. It was wonderful to take a little journey inside the mind of this brilliant author. She is the kind of writer that reminds me why I am a writer (yep, I called myself a writer, Julie!). Her books are the kinds of books that inspire me to sit at my computer for hours, crafting sentences and unleashing little bits of inspiration. If you didn't already realize, I adore Buxbaum's books and I highly recommend that you pick up copies of both ASAP if you haven't already read them. (For instant gratification, click the pictures above to purchase the books from Amazon). And if you're not much of a reader, stay tuned for the film version of The Opposite of Love starring Anne Hathaway. Want to know more about Julie Baxbaum? Check out her website and follow her on Twitter @juliebux.  

words to live by: somewhere over the rainbow

 

 (♥)  
  

This song goes out to Blair and Adam...
You guys are an awesome couple and
I am honored to be at your wedding in Jamaica.
No matter what storms you'll weather together,
I hope you always see the rainbow through the rain.

♥ ♥ ♥

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to
Why, oh, why can't I?

I see trees of green and red roses too
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day and I like the dark
I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands, saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, "I love you"

I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than we'll know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to
Why, oh, why can't I?

 

Israel Kamakawiwo Ole'
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

happy, happy, happy halloween!

 (♥)

 

"Halloween wraps fear in innocence,
As though it were a slightly sour sweet.
Let terror, then, be turned into a treat..."

Nicholas Gordon

Halloween, in my book, is the happiest day of all and even though I won't be celebrating it in the traditional way this year (since I'm preoccupied sunning myself on a Jamaican beach...), that doesn't mean I can't still be super excited about my favorite day of the year! Recently my coworker asked me, "What do you think it means that you love Halloween so much?" and it really got me thinking about the holiday. What is it that I love so much about it? Of course, all of the orange... and the candy... and the dressing up... There are so many great things about it that popped into my head when she asked the question, but none of them really addressed what it means to be so into Halloween.

My Halloween History

Of course, as soon as my coworker left my desk, I attempted to look up what it meant to be so infatuated with Halloween. I was hoping to find a concrete reason for my love of the holiday. After all, there had to be some explanation for this odd obsession... right? Apparently not. After neglecting work for a bit on a hunt to understand a love of Halloween, I didn't come up with much. I decided it would be up to me to figure this one out. No relying on good ol' Google this time! Instead, I'd actually have to give it this some thought all on my own. In an attempt to make some sense of my love of Halloween (before it dawned on me that, really, I didn't have to make sense of it...), I searched my brain for Halloween memories, looking for a link to my love of the holiday.

My mind swirled around a mess of Halloween memories -- the year I dressed up as a giant gift and couldn't sit down in class, the year I learned about bones from a Hallmark-made skeleton, the year my teacher had a stuffed bear dressed up as a devil that I desperately wanted to take home with me, the year I visited a house in which you had to reach into a giant spider's belly filled with "eggs" to get candy out, the year my sister and I dressed up as the opposites we are (devil and angel), the year I decorated my braces with orange and black rubber bands, the year I got the Halloween blanket that I still pull out every fall (see Bella wrapped in it at the bottom of the post), the year my best friend decided she was too old for trick-or-treating, the year I fitfully tossed and turned knowing my boyfriend was up to no good (he was), the year I attended an exclusive Hollywood Halloween party, the year I went to not one but three Halloween parties with different costumes for each, the year I fought with a good friend, the years of dressing up Bella in Halloween costumes (see Princess Bella's 2009 getup above). So many memories, both good and bad, of the very last day of October.

I rifled through them all -- all of those good and bad recollections -- and still couldn't figure out what it was I loved so much about the day, or why. I decided to look up the psychology of Halloween. Maybe if I understood the psychology of the holiday, I rationalized, I couldn't understand the reasoning behind my love for the day...



The Psychology of Halloween

After much searching that was pretty unsuccessful (clearly there aren't many people writing about the importance of Halloween to a twenty-something with a mild obsession!), I realized that it pretty much was going to have to come down to the fact that, at it's core, I just liked it. I couldn't necessarily explain why and, after years of being asked why I liked Halloween so much, I'm not sure why I thought this would be the year that I'd somehow come up with a definitive answer.

Though I didn't come across a clear reason behind my love for October 31st, in the article "The Modern   Psychology of Halloween," I read: "There’s something so timelessly magical in the golden colors of fallthat’s annually reflected in the glowing flames of our Jack O’Lantern smiles. Rather than feeling a creepy chill in the air, instead, many of us today associate a sense of warmth and togetherness with the date October 31st.  The past associations with all things evil have today been replaced by the amusing notion of a good scare, meaning that it’s time once again to party." Finally, something I could relate to! It wasn't the fear factor that enticed me into loving the holiday or even the dressing up that was so appealing. This article hit the nail on the head when it addressed one of the key components to my love for Halloween: the warmth and magic of it. It is the tantalizing mix of comfort and mystery that I love so much about Halloween. The warmth and comfort of the day couple with the potential for tricks and treats really does leave me feeling happy and inspired.  

To me, there's something warm in the thought of Halloween, and especially in the color orange. As you may have guessed from the design of the blog, I'm a pretty big fan of orange. I don't know if I loved orange first or Halloween first, but to me the two go hand-in-hand. While some people find orange to bright or overwhelming, it's by far my favorite color and when I look at it I feel cozy inside. Apparently orange makes Bella (sleeping on my new orange couch above) feel cozy as well!

The Meaning of Halloween

In my mind, Halloween -- the word alone! -- evokes so many things, and so many of them are positive. When I think of Halloween, I think of all of the following things (and more!):

• Community: Most of the people I know dress up for Halloween. Little kids, teenagers, college kids, and adults -- most of them love to get into the spirit of Halloween. Additionally, because it's become such a commercialized holiday in America, most people -- regardless of the their backgrounds -- join in on the fun. For that reason, Halloween is one of the greatest holidays because every can participate and get joy out of it.  
  
  
  
• Generosity: Halloween is the one day of the year you can (if you are a kid) knock on all of your neighbors' doors and they will greet you with a smile and a delicious treat. Can you imagine if every day were like that? If you could just walk up to your neighbors door and s/he would open it with a smile and treat? I'm sure some neighborhoods are like that, but, where I come from, Halloween is pretty much the only day you go knocking on neighboring doors. 
  
   
• Acceptance: Though this one probably doesn't apply to everyone, Halloween, for me, is a great symbol of accepting someone for who they are. I love Halloween -- really love it! -- and it's something that people in my life have to accept (even though people often think it's odd that I like the holiday so much). Because of raised eyebrows I've received and the confused looks I've been given, I know that not everyone really gets my love of Halloween, but the people I'm really close with accept it and that's what really matters.
  
   
• Imagination: Halloween is a great time to use your imagination. Every year -- probably around the middle of summer -- I start thinking about Halloween and wondering what I'm going to be. Though I do have a few go-to costumes that I for some reason cannot get enough of (Alice in Wonderland and a 1920's flapper being two of them), I love the idea that, for one night a year, I can dress up as anything I want to and (most) people won't judge me. Being able to use my imagination this way is truly liberating! 
  
    
• Change: Traditionally Halloween symbolized the end of summer and the beginning of winter and, in a way, that's what it still does for me. Where I live, it usually isn't until after Halloween that it starts to get really cold and it's at this cusp between the lingering warmth of summer and the crisp onset of winter that I find myself face-to-face with the idea of change. In addition, because I am usually changing myself into someone else by donning a costume, the holiday really makes me think about the concept of transformation.
  
   
• Celebration:In my world, Halloween has -- and will always be -- a time for celebration. In my mind, Halloween is New Year's Eve and Independence Day rolled into one. It's better than fireworks, more exciting than champagne. Whether it was tame classroom parties at school or wild ragers in college, Halloween has always been a time for celebrating, for dressing up, for getting too excited due to a heavy sugar rush. When I think about the celebration aspect, a big smile spreads across my face and already I can't wait until the celebration begins again next year.

Since I love Halloween so much, it often comes up in conversations I have with others. It seems to me that Halloween is one of those holidays that people either really love or don't care much for once they've reached the age of ten. Most adults either feel passionately about it or can take it or leave it. I, of course, am the former. I really do love Halloween and all that the word brings to mind. It's a day filled with a lot excitement, mystery, and warmth. It's day we get the opportunity to be really generous to our neighbors and explore our creative sides by dressing up as anything we want to be. It's clearly my favorite holiday, but I'd love to hear about whether or not you love it too. And if you are a Halloween fan, why do you love it? The reasons I've listed above are only some of the many exciting, positive things about the holiday, but I'm sure you've come up with some of your own ideas while reading this. If you have ideas and would like to share them, send me a tweet @positivepresent!

Treats for the Halloween Lover 

After being asked about my Halloween obsession, I attempted to learn more about the psychology and history behind the holiday. I found some pretty interesting stuff out there and those of you who love Halloween like I do may find these links interesting. To learn more about Halloween, check out these links:

The History of Halloween

The Modern Psychology of Halloween

What Your Costume Says About You

The Joy of Fear -- Why Halloween?

How Sweet It Is!: Halloween Candy

Psychology of Halloween Costumes

As a reminder, I'm lying happily on a beach in Jamaica right now, and, in order to maintain that vacation state of mind, comments for this post will be closed. However, if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share the link on social media sites such as Twitter (you can follow me @positivepresent) or  StumbleUpon.

take a vacation (or a staycation!) from your life

 (♥)

"A vacation is like love --
 anticipated with pleasure,
experienced with discomfort,
and remembered with nostalgia."

Unknown

 

Life can be pretty hectic, and it's so important to remind yourself to take a break from time to time. We often (or at least I often) get so caught up in, get so excited by, what I'm doing that I don't remember to take a break. For example, I often spend hours at my computer without getting up to stretch or give my eyes a rest. This, as we all know, is not good. And, in so many other ways, I don't give myself the breaks I probably need to be healthy. I don't usually take a break from doing things (unless I'm asleep) and I certainly don't take a break from thinking (I know, I know I need to start meditating), and, after a while, the lack of a break can take its toll. When it comes to me and taking breaks, I often have to be forced into it. I usually don't think to do it on my own and so it's wonderful when someone else gives me an opportunity to take a break and fit some relaxation into my life.

This week I'm going to (hopefully!) be spending a lot of time relaxing in beautiful, sun-kissed Jamaica. Because I'm sure I wouldn't have arranged such a vacation for myself, I'm very grateful to one of my best friends for getting married in a sunny, distant locale so I have the opportunity to pack my bags and take a mini-break from my always-on-the-go life. Normally I would prepare a nice long To Do list for the trip, crafting a schedule without even realizing it -- but not this time. This time I'm going to relax, to take in the sunshine and just be. Will this hard? Sure! I don't like to just sit calmly. I don't do well with the activity known as "relaxing." But I'm sure going to give it a try on this vacation.

While I'm gone, I'd encourage you to find a way to take a break (even if it's the stay-at-home kind) from your life. It really is important to take a step back from your life and whatever project/job you're absorbed in and just relax. I'm probably the worst at this so I understand that it's difficult. Because of that I'd like to emphasize the benefits of taking a break (to remind myself mostly!) and provide some suggestions for how you can take a break without having to fly to a tropical island (oh, I know, you feel so bad for me, don't you?)...

The Benefits of Taking a Vacation

• Gain a new perspective. There's nothing like being in a new place (even if it's outside vs. inside at your desk) to help you have an new outlook. Staying in the same place doing the same thing gets stale and it's important to take a vacation, even if that "vacation" is just getting up from your desk and going for a walk outside. When you expose yourself to new things, you'll open up your mind to seeing the world differently and this is a really great way to live in the moment.
  
  
• Rest and refresh your mind. Taking a vacation gives you an opportunity to rest your mind, to take a break from your daily routines and allow your body and mind to refresh themselves. It's important to take breaks every now and then in order to allow your mind to have a break. Meditation is a great way to vacate your mind, though I can't say I've actually done it (yet!).
  
  
• Find exciting inspiration. Yes, you can find inspiration anywhere, but sometimes a break from your routine and a new environment can really help to inspire you. No matter what you do for a living, it's pretty likely that when you take a vacation you'll come back with new ideas and insights. One of my favorite things about vacationing is having the opportunity to be inspired by new things.  
  
  
• Experience health benefits. I'm no doctor, but apparently those who vacation reap healthy rewards, such as less stress and fewer heart problems. I don't know if there's scientific proof for this, but I do know that I usually feel great after I've allowed myself to have a nice, relaxing vacation (Note: The relaxing part is key. I don't always do this when I'm on vacation and I end up more stressed than I was when I left. Going to work on that this weekend...).
  
  
• Free yourself from stress. Stress, whether you like it or not, is part of most people's lives. It's hard to avoid some sort of stress (work, school, relationships, etc...), but you can take a break from whatever it is that's stressing you out. For most people, a nice vacation is just the thing to put whatever is stressful in their lives into perspective or, better yet, a break from the stress may inspire you to find a new way to deal with it when you return!
  
  
• Celebrate the moment. There's something about being on vacation that allows you to live in the moment. When you're in your routine life, there are many, many distractions that can take you away from the moment, but often vacations have fewer distracting elements and allow us to really take in the now and embrace every moment. I'm not always the best as being present and vacationing really helps me work on that.

Unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to have fabulous friends who decide to get married in Jamaica and therefore encourage them to break out of their humdrum routines, but that doesn't mean we can't all reap the rewards of vacationing. During the sagging economic climate, the term "staycation" gained its popularity. People want to do something different -- want to experience all of the great benefits of taking a vacation -- but it's not always affordable (or convenient). If that's the case for you, take a look at my suggestions below for how you can enjoy your very own stay-at-home vacation...



How To Staycation (a.k.a. Vacation without Traveling)

• Pretend you're a tourist. This is one of the easiest ways to take a vacation right in your own town. Pretend you're on vacation there and do all of the tourist-y things that other people do when they come to visit. (If you live in a small town, take a trip to your closest city and try this out.)
  
  
• Spend time doing what you love. More often than not we get so caught up in work and family and friends that we forget to spend time doing what we really love to do. If you can't hop on a plane and vacate your life, at least take some time to do what you love to do.
  
  
• Eliminate work-related distractions. Hard as it might be, turn off your phone and email. There's no way you can operate on vacation-mode if you're constantly checking your BlackBerry (yes, I know, I know, this is so hard for some of us!). Eliminating work distractions can be a vacation in and of itself!
  
  
• Read about far-away lands. As you may or may not know, I'm a HUGE fan of reading. It really is one of my favorite things to do and it can be a great way to take a break from your life. Think about where you'd really like to visit and then pick up a book (novel or nonfiction!) about it and dive it. Yes, it's not the same as going there, but it's still fun!
  
  
• Engage others to staycation too.It's pretty hard to take a staycation when everyone around you is in super-busy, work mode. Try to find a friend or a family member to take part in your staycation with you. Not only will be more fun, but it'll be a lot easier to know that someone else is also vacating their world for a little while too.
  
  
• Stay (of course!) in the moment. This can be hard when you're still in your own home or town, but it's important to act as if you're on vacation. Live in the moment, take things slow, don't rush around like you normally would. Pretend (hard as it might be!) that you are somewhere else and ignore all of the routines and regular tasks you normally fret about.

Because I'm truly trying to separate myself from my life for a few days (not because it's a bad life, mind you, but because it's healthy to do so every once and awhile), comments for this post will be closed. Additionally, comments for Friday's post will also be closed. However, if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share the link on social media sites such as Twitter (you can follow me @positivepresent) or  StumbleUpon. I hope you all have a chance to take at least a small break over the next few days. Though I know it's hard (trust me, it's like tearing a tantrum-throwing two-year-old from a toy store for me to pull me away from my computer or Blackberry), but it's so worth it to take a break every now and then.

how to let go of what you don't need

(♥)

 "All the art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

Henry Ellis

For a lot of people, it's hard to let go. It's hard to let go of people, of things, of emotions. It's hard to let go when you know you have to. It's hard to let go when you don't want to. I find that some people are better at letting go of some things than others. I, for example, have a terrificly terrible time letting go of people, but when it comes to letting go of actual things, I have absolutely no trouble saying goodbye. Other people don't seem to cling to people the way that I do, but ask them to get rid of a dress they wore in high school and they act like you're asking them to sell their soul. We're all different when it comes to letting go, but I bet that no matter who you are, you have a hard time letting go of something.

And, you know what? That's okay. It's okay to have a hard time letting go. Whether it's things, people, or thoughts, it's difficult to give up something that you once thought of (or still think of) as yours. But that's no excuse to keep hanging onto it. When you keep things you don't need (and, yes, this includes people) in your life, you're causing yourself to have to deal with things you don't need to. Extra things create clutter in your home, just the same way extra people create clutter in your heart. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have clutter of any kind in my life. I like things neat, I like things organized, and, above all else, I like things clutter-free.

Of course, getting rid of clutter -- emotional or physical -- is usually easier said than done. It's quite easy to say you want to get rid of something, but quite another to actually take action and get rid of it. It takes a lot of courage to get rid of something when, for whatever reason, you don't really want to get rid of it. You might be thinking yourself, "Okay, why would I get rid of something if I don't want to get rid of it?" It does seem a little backwards but there plenty of things we hang on to that we don't need. For example, there are plenty of people in this world who are hoarders (hello, Clean House!) and, though they know they should get rid of some of their stuff, they don't want to. Likewise, there are people out there who spend time with those that drain them emotionally. Though they know they should get rid of these people, they don't necessarily want to. In both of these examples, you can see that sometimes we hang on to things we don't need. And it's up to us to make a change.

Just like happiness, getting rid of things you don't need in your life is a choice. You don't usually get forced into it (though sometimes this can happen) and usually no one is going to do it for you (how often to people really come into your house and start de-cluttering your living space?). Therefore, it's all up to you. You have to make the choice to get rid of what you don't need in your life. Ready? Okay, let's go let go! 
 

Letting Go of What You Do Not Need

• Decide what's really important. When you take a step back and think about what's really, truly important to you, you'll begin to realize that many of the things you're holding on to aren't as important as you once thought. What's important is being healthy, happy, and living your life to the fullest. If you are clinging to things or people, you're not really living happily and at peace with yourself. Step back and assess what really matters to you and letting go will become a lot easier.
  
  
• Assess what benefits you're getting. One of the reasons we hang on to things or people is because we believe we need them, we believe we're really getting something of value from having them around. But is that true? Think about it -- and I mean really think about it. Are you benefiting from the clutter in your life? Is your life richer because you are surrounded by negative people? Probably not. If you take a moment and list the benefits you're getting from something you should let go of, you'll probably have a short list. Use this to motivate yourself to let go.
  
  
• Recognize that you're overvaluing it. Typically it's you that's placing all of the value on a person or thing that you're holding on to unnecessarily. More often than not, you're idealizing that person or thing and telling yourself that, for whatever reason, you need to have it in your life. However, that's not true. If you believe you should be letting go than you should let go. What you need in your life is you. You also need things that are bringing you up, not down. If something isn't bringing you up, if it isn't absolutely necessary, stop overvaluing it and let it go.
  
  
• Let it go -- no matter how hard it is. It really does come down to the old Nike slogan, "Just do it." No matter how hard it is, no matter what obstacles stand in your way, sometimes you have to just suck it up and let it go. I know, firsthand, that this is much easier said (or written!) than done, but, honestly, it really is the only way. Whether it's a person or a thing (or even a feeling), the best advice is just to let go (and don't go chasing after it either!). When you actually take action, you'll see that you're just fine without it. 
   

As much as you might think you need something, keep in mind that "need" is a very strong word. What you really "need" in your life is very different from what you might think you need. Remember that, deep down, you really do know what's best for yourself. If there's something telling you that you need to let go, listen to that instinct. Your gut feelings will let you know what's right and what's wrong. You just need to open your mind and listen to them. And then, when you hear that voice telling you that you need to let something go, have the courage to really listen and to take action. Letting something go isn't ever easy, but you can make your whole world better and more positive just by loosening your grip and letting go.

Do you find it hard to let go of people or things?
If so, how do you deal with situations when you really need to let go?

 

words to live by: awake is the new sleep

(♥)

 

Are you changing, are you changing, are you changing?

Do you know it, do you feel it, do you know it?

But you're waiting; why're you waiting, why're you waiting?

Just do it, whatever it is.

There are secrets, there are secrets, there are secrets.

There are places, there are places you can go to

They might tell you, yeah, they'll tell you, that you shouldn't

Just do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Just do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Go do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,


Just do it, whatever it is.

And you're dancing and you're looking kinda crazy

And your arms are making little circles

There are reasons, there are reasons, you can find out

So do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Just do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Go do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Whatever it is, whatever it is.

It's so quiet, it's so quiet, it's so quiet

And you're dreaming, and you're dreaming, and you're dreaming

I turn to you and say, "Awake is the new sleep."

Awake is the new sleep so wake up.

And do it, whatever it is.

Just do it, whatever it is.

'Cause awake is the new sleep,

Awake is the new sleep.

So wake up.

Wake up and do it

Whatever it is, whatever it is,

Just do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Go do it, whatever it is, whatever it is,

Just do it, whatever it is, whatever it is.

 

Ben Lee

"Whatever It Is"

To watch a video of this song on YouTube, click here. "Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.